August 26, 2004
Omaha Is Fun! Who'd've Thunk It? Part Two: The Wedding
Since no one you know got married, I'll won't bore you with too many details.
Venue: Outdoors, perfect weather.
Guests: Approx. 50-60
Service: Generic Christian, 15 min.
Music: Harpist
Bride: Fairy-tale Gorgeous
Groom: Adorable
Bridesmaids: Pretty, some of the nicest bridesmaids dresses I've seen
Groomsmen: Who cares?
Crying: The groom and his mother
Okay, interesting tidbits from the reception.
There were 10 single, 20-something guys there, as opposed to just 3 single, 20-something girls. Despite those odds, I would not have been one of the girls for all the Prozac in Hollywood. Instead of dancing, celebrating and socializing, as one tends to do at a friend's wedding, these yabbos were leaving the hall every 20 min. to get stoned in the parking lot. Nice, eh?
Not that I'm all high and mighty about pot. I don't partake myself, but I don't give a crap if you do. What I thought was tacky was leaving a friend's wedding reception over and over and over again. Did they really need all that weed to feel happy for their friend? Losers.
They just sat on their asses, despite the bride and groom's many attempts to get them on the dance floor. To make up for their lame-o buddies, I made my three teenaged cousins dance with me… for as many songs as wouldn't kill me. And we had fun, dammit! Too cool for school, I am not! And I learned something about Jeremy (15). He's a black woman trapped in a white boy's body.
And speaking of black people and dancing, I have a theory about DJs. They become DJs because they can't dance. The DJ was trying to lead us in the Electric Slide, and it just wasn't working. Now, I can do the Electric Slide. I've done it before, and quite well, for a white girl. But no one was able to follow this guy. He just had NO RHYTHM. My husband was like, "Is this in three or four?" I'm like, "Depends what measure we're in, apparently!"
So you know how the thing for receptions is to have disposable cameras on the tables for the guests to use? Yeah. There was no way I was fighting the urge to abuse that privilege. So with the help of Amy (17) and Dan the Marine, we got some very lovely candid bathroom shots. Nothing they're gonna get arrested at Walgreens for trying to develop, but just enough to be tasteless.
And speaking of tasteless, for the topper, Dan dropped trow and mooned the camera. Right next to the buffet table. “Would you like beef, chicken or sphincter?” Ewww. Thank God dinner was already over.
Nothing like a wedding reception to remind me of just how immature I can be!
(Don't worry, there is no Part Three!)