September 13, 2004
Please, Somebody, Buy Me a Dictionary
Today's posting is much longer than I would normally subject you to. However, when you read it, you'll understand why I couldn't edit it. It's fascinating, and every word is true.
Below is an actual e-mail sent on Friday to my entire company by Gary the General Manager, who, it should be noted, is the biggest asshole ever to spill over the sides of his ulta-cushy office chair.
Since our move to new quarters a few months ago, he has sent out several memos a month on how to keep our new office looking like a funeral home, covering such important topics as coffee mugs, refrigerator use, and what we can have on our desk. I'm glad to see his $200,000 salary is so very justified.
Okay, onto his e-mail, which I have in no way edited.
The restrooms are cleaned each night as well as a checked during the day. I have been pleased with the landlord's attention to cleaning the restrooms and response when equipment is not properly operating. Even with this cleaning and checking, the cleanliness can sometimes be less than desired as well as toilets (operable ones) not being flushed. For us guys, it is easy to assume the less than tidy people are the constructions workers, not our employees.Following is an excerpt from a note sent to me by one of our ladies:
"Well, now we are in our new digs. So, explain to me why the women's restroom looks like a pig sty sometimes. Some days it looks "lived in" but clean. Other days there could be any combination of the following: unflushed toilets, toilet paper sheets and pieces on the floor of some stalls, paper hand towels and pieces of the same on the floor below the waste bin, water splashed all over the counter around the sinks. It looks like a bunch of four-year-olds use these facilities.
"Could you (or someone) issue a reminder to our employees that we are all responsible for the condition of the restrooms and to clean up our own mess when we make it. We don't want people to think that just because our roots are in farming that AAIC - AFBIS - AFBF employees don't know how to deal with indoor plumbing."
Based on this observation, it is not just a guy thing, nor should we blame the construction workers. Let's make sure we are doing our own part to keep our space and restrooms clean. For those cleaning up when you see something out of place or messy, THANK YOU!
I'll give you a moment to let that sink in. Mind you, this guy holds the second highest position in an A.M. Best's A-rated company. He should have a little more decorum, not to mention better things to worry about.
And here's my reply, which I also sent to Gary's boss and the company H.R. Manager.
I would like to express my outrage that this memo was sent out to the entire office.Besides the fact that I have never seen the women's bathroom in the described state of disarray, I am extremely offended that a blanket e-mail was delivered to all employees, insinuating that the women of this office are "four year olds" who don't mind a "pig sty" because we "don't know how to deal with indoor plumbing."
I think it was in very poor taste to include the anonymous complainer's e-mail verbatim. Obviously, the woman meant for you to issue a reminder in your own words, which should have been much more professional and diplomatic, and therefore, much less insulting.
Huh. Well-written, to the point, and completely justified. Is it obvious to anyone else that I should be General Manager?
Of course, Gary couldn't let my scolding go unanswered because I am a peon and can't have the last word. Also, he couldn't apologize for his error in judgement because he is a supreme being and, therefore, infallible.
Here is his verbose reply, which he sent only to me and not to his boss or the H.R. Manager. It is also worth mentioning that the time on this email was 9:23 p.m. Sunday night. Obsessive, anyone? "Gotta bitchslap that insolent lackie before I'll be able to sleep!"
A little background:As indicated, I have observed some untidy conditions in the men's room, even with the nightly cleaning and "touch-up" during the day. On multiple occasions I have found an un-flushed toilet in the men's room. While this has been in one of the stalls nearer our space, I wanted to assume it was not one of our employees. We have construction workers in the area as well as an occasional person from another floor coming using our restrooms. Yes, I find an un-flushed toilet particularity offensive. When a small child is being potty trained, they may be proud of and want to show off their accomplishments. Shortly thereafter, they learn the appropriateness of flushing. Whenever I have seen an un-flushed toilet, I have stepped in and flushed it as well as taking an extra moment to wipe the moisture from the counter-top of the sink area. While doing this, I am asking myself why people do not flush the toilet or clean-up after themselves.
I then got a note from one of our employees suggesting similar conditions in the ladies room. This person vividly expressed some of the conditions I have observed in the men's room. Perhaps it was somewhat exaggerated to make her point. While there may be an occasional use of the ladies room by someone other than one of our employees, the primary use is by our employees.
In my opinion, failing to clean-up after ourselves or failing to flush a toilet is inconsiderate, sloppy, immature and unacceptable conduct, especially in a professional office environment.
Yes, I sent the note to everyone. I have no reasonable means of identifying the offender(s). Presumably, there are very few offenders among us. Does it hurt for us all to periodically be reminded of how our conduct or mess may impact someone else? For the majority that are doing their part to maintain our environment, there is no reason to take offense to my note. While you were offended, I got supportive notes as well.
As to including a direct quote from the person sending me a note, I am sorry you are offended. The person sending the note to me has expressed no objections and I believe she would have done so if she were offended. Since I have no first hand knowledge of the condition of the ladies room, the direct quote seemed to provide more credibility. Yes, vivid and perhaps exaggerated terms were used to describe their feelings, just as you used "outraged" to describe your reaction. This prompted me to see how Webster defines the following terms:
Pig sty: pig pen
Pig pen: 1. a pen for pigs, 2. a slovenly place
Slovenly: untidy especially in personal appearance; lazily, slipshod
Outrage: An act that violates accepted standards of behavior or tasteWhile suggesting my note was outrageous, are you suggesting that not flushing toilets, leaving paper on the floor and water on the counter fails to violate acceptable standards of behavior or taste (thus outrageous)?
In summary, I am sorry you are offended. The conditions I have observed and as described to me are not acceptable, in my opinion. Since we are the primary users of the restrooms, we can not ignore the probability of the offender(s) being one of our employees. Hopefully, the offender(s) now knows our expectations. Those (the majority) that clean-up after themselves and do their part to keep our environment tidy have no reason to be offended or feel accused.
Gary
Oh, where to begin! How 'bout with yet another dictionary definition: condescend - deal patronizingly as though conscious of superior rank. Obviously, I didn't understand those big words I was using, and that - not his complete lack of professional behavior - is the real problem.
However, I think my favorite thing about the e-mail is the way he not-so-subtly insinuates that, because I am offended, I must be one of the chimps flinging my feces around the bathroom.
Are you believing that he's really sorry? I must, again, be misunderstanding simple words because I'm not really getting the heartfelt sincerity that he is obviously striving so hard to convey.
Unfortunately, I was not able to find the definition of "prick" that I was looking for. I must have the word wrong.