September 10, 2004
Sleeping with the Enemy
Never, EVER watch Oprah reruns before you go to bed. Dude, I had nightmares. She had this germ expert on, and it was nothing short of blood-chillingly horrifying.
Like this one woman vacuumed up a food spill, didn't change the vacuum bag, and then infected her whole family with airborne salmonella every time she vacuumed after that. If that was my wife, I'd fuckin' kill her. Who vacuums up food spills?!
But the thing that really killed me was the pillows. Ms. Germ Expert says that you need to replace your pillows every one to three years. Why, you ask? Because after one to three years, more than HALF the weight of your pillow is dead dust mites.
(And how weird is it that I've had opportunity to mention dust mites in two consecutives entries?)
So you know I'm going to Target this weekend and buying all new pillows for everyone in the family. I'm a media sheep, I know, but why would Oprah lie? Oprah loves us!
And you know what really freaks me out? My Older Sister (who is eleven, yes, ELEVEN years older than me, and I can say that here cuz she'll never read this) has a pillow that she has had since high school. Do the math. We know that I'm at least 30, so sister is over 40. Which means she's had that damn pillow a minimum of 24 years! Christ, the pillow must be entirely made up of bug corpses by now! Gaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah!
I don't even wanna go in her house anymore.
Comments
OOPS! Guess Pirate Wench didn't realize she'd someday need information from me to spice up her website and thereby would inform me of its presence. As for the pillow, it's not from High School. My high school one tore apart awhile back. But I must admit my current mushy pillow is probably 15 years old, at least. And maybe I LIKE dead dust mites! Do you want me to tell you what is constantly eating the dead skin off your body? I thought not.
Posted by: Older (and Wiser) Sister at April 5, 2005 09:14 AM