October 21, 2004
Birthday Gifties, Part I
Cousin Egrau and I both have birthdays in October, so our usual group of six, which we call League of Extraordinary Porn Stars (LXPS)*, went to Buca's for dinner -- me, Husband, Egrau, J, R and PJ.
* (The LXPS thing started with R calling me "Hootie McBoob" and escalated from there. And if you can tell me where he got "Hootie McBoob" from, then you're totally sacrilicious.)
Now I'll confess right here, I love birthdays. Especially mine. I love presents, I love having a fuss made over me, and I love that, in 34 years, there's only one birthday that didn't burst with fabulousness. (I was in the middle of a divorce, 'nuff said.)
Well, Egrau is a flight attendant for United, so basically, she's been fucked royally and had all her money taken away. Again, and again, and again. In consideration of this, I assumed that she wouldn't be throwing money away on a present for her lame-o cousin, and I got her a couple small gifties, so that she wouldn't feel bad.
The bitch got me $110 shoes! And then a shirt, to boot! I feel like the biggest cheap-ass EVER. Because I love buying presents for people and totally would have spent a butt-load on her if I knew she was going to spend a butt-load on me!!!
Fortunately, one of the gifties I got her was a book she'd already read. So. I can now get her something from her favorite store in the world, and tell her that I'm making up for the duplicate book, while really soothing my conscience and redeeming myself, if only in my own eyes.
I wonder if she reads this blog...
Anyhoo, the shirt has a picture of Barbie on it that says "My Barbie swallows." I almost pissed myself laughing. And now I'm trying to think of some place where it wouldn't be completely inappropriate to wear it. Cuz I am so wearing it in public!
You know, I could wear it over to Sister's house, considering The Children can't read yet. The Girl Child will just think I'm wearing a cool Barbie shirt! Oh, Sister would so kick my ass when she stopped laughing.
Gifties from PJ include: a really nice, brown Woolrich sweater. Which I picked out. Went like this.
"PJ, that sweater is so cute!"
"I know! I'm totally buying it!"
"Ooooh, they have it in brown."
"Get it!"
"No, I already made Husband buy me a sweater."
"So?"
"Well, I don't wanna be greedy."
"Oh, just do it. You know he'll buy it."
"Why don't you buy it for me for my birthday?"
"Okay! Don't look!"
And some Godiva chocolates, and a pumpkin-spice-scented candle. Cuz I love that shit.
(Disclaimer: I realize that, altho' Egrau & J, and R & PJ are couples, I didn't mention the men in the gift-buying. Their names were on the cards, but c'mon, we all know that men don't shop for birthday gifts if they have a woman to do it for them.)
I'm wearing my new shoes today. I'm wearing my new sweater tomorrow. And I'm going to J. Jill on Saturday.
So what would your porn name be?