November 19, 2004
Once Upon a Scream
Which Disney Princess are you?
The funniest thing about this is that it was sent to me by my friend Anne, who is, in a nutshell, Daria meets Wednesday Addams.
But it turns out that Anne has a secret identity -- Belle! Which makes sense, since she's definitely the most down-to-earth of all the princesses. I just can't see Anne singing in public. I can, however, see her rolling her eyes and hoisting a 300 lb. beast onto a horse. "This is just so typical. I have to do everything around here!"
Heather is also Belle. "You are loving and giving and can always see the good in others. You love to read and spend time with friends." Okaaaaay. Hmmmm. Well, she does walk, read and sing all at the same time, so I guess I can see that. "I am the GAYEST PERSON EVER!" Her words, not mine.
Nicholle turned out to be Cinderella. "I'll take it. I always wanted to be blond." Belle would have been the obvious pick for her, too, because of the brown hair and the reading. But "my desire for nice clothes and a manor won out."
Now, I had some trouble taking the test right from the start. Am I blond or golden blond? Hard to say. And the color on the box says "medium blond", so that's no help. In the end, I went with golden blond because I'm a total fucking narcissist about my hair.
I am most like [drumroll, please]... Aurora, which is awesome because "Sleeping Beauty" is my favorite animated Disney movie (non-animated: "Mary Poppins").
"You love all woodland animals, especially owls."
That is so true! Especially stuffed and hanging over my fireplace! No, seriously, when I was little, I had a dream that my dead grandmother came to me and told me that my totem animal is the owl. Which is weird because Gramma was Norwegian and not Native American. But who am I to argue with deceased relatives? And I think a raccoon would be the coolest pet. You know, without the rabies and the biting and the ruining of all my stuff.
"You like dreaming,..."
Right again! I'm dreaming right now! That someone is reading this! And it's Bruce Campbell! And he thinks I'm so clever and adorable that he's going to run away with me to a castle in the forest!
"...but be careful you don't sleep away your life waiting for true love's first kiss."
And yeah, like I didn't stop believing in "true love's first kiss" when I was eight. More like "true love's fat wallet."
Anne was quite upset about my affinity for "Sleeping Beauty" because "she's the most passive damsel-in-distress!" And I agree, Aurora's a tool. But I can totally get behind the idea of a 100-year nap. Especially one where you don't drool, and you wake up looking fresh as morning dew on a rosebud.
Obviously, I'm way too jaded to be a princess. Plus, I lack an 18-inch waist.