November 16, 2004
The Sleepover of the Ring
So I was e-mailing with a friend about how my scale and my life-sized cut-out of Legolas are in the same room, and how I always weigh myself naked -- Legolas being one of the reasons. And he's all, "Some Elves get all the luck. :-)"
(Oh, right, like your e-mails are all linear and lucid and eloquent!)
So I'm like, "Yeah, and he always says something obvious like, 'Boobies!' Or pseudo-fortune-cookie like 'A red sky at dawn -- weight has been gained this week'."
Seriously, have you watched those movies enough to notice just how fucking DIM Legolas really is? I mean, great in a fight, no doubt. And retains maximum prettiness, even while getting man- and dwarf- and orc-sweat on him.
But at the Sleepover of the Ring, you're totally going to put your sleeping bag next to Gandalf's for the deep, 2 a.m. conversation because Legolas only caught on to Aragorn's whole diversion plan after the 5 years olds who were (inappropriately) in the audience did.
Legolas is just there to braid your hair and make consolatory noises while Aragorn can't decide if he should break up with his girlfriend or not, and what do women want anyway?
Merry and Pippin are making prank calls, while Gimli finishes off the last of the pizza and spills beer on your parents' new couch. No one really notices that Frodo and Sam are in the kitchen being anti-social.
Boromir leaves early.