December 14, 2004
The Best Book Report EVER
I was totally swamped at work, and yet Heather taunted me, via AOL IM. By the way, if anyone from work happens upon this, Heather is 100% responsible for introducing me to blogging -- both writing and reading -- and basically for 99% of all my wasted time. So there.
I edited our spelling and grammar, so it doesn't read like chimps were pounding on the keyboard. Although, admittedly, chimps would be funnier.
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Me: Crap. I totally forgot about an article I have to write for the company newsletter.
H: Ooh! Is it a gossip column? A who's who of the accounting dept? An expose on the bathroom bandits? I bet that means you don't have time to watch THIS MOVIE, then. Which is awesome and has pirates in.
[See? Heather may seem adorable, but she's really a crack pusher. And I'm her whore.]
Me: An article on the Brokers' Conf. in Sept. that I have since blocked from my memory as a defense mechanism.
H: Wise. Be sure to use the phrase "pure awesome" at least once, will you? Because, seriously.
Me: This movie is fucking awesome.
H: I thought you'd like it. It has renewed my joy in the word "awesome," too.
Me: Hey! Ninjas! Pirates AND ninjas!
H: I KNOW! And mysterious African women.
Me: "Yeah right!"
H: Hee. The delivery of that is awesome. See? I can't stop saying awesome.
Me: Ohmigod. Flight of the Valkaries.
H: Totally.
Me: Um, ninja with an uzi?
H: Well, it was ancient China, after all.
Me: This guy was so stoned.
H: Totally.
[She can't stop saying "totally," either, apparently.]
Me: And 7 years old.
H: LOVE that.
Me: I like the gay house music. Where are the disco guys from SNL?
H: Um, isn't all house music gay?
Me: No, like, house music you'd hear in a gay bar.
H: I know.
Me: Christ, this thing never ends.
H: I know, it's the longest book report ever.
Me: Nah, I've written longer. So smug that I actually read the whole book.
H: Got me. I hated writing book reports. I figure, if you haven't read it yourself, you don't deserve to know what it's about.
Me: Yeah, cuz I'm sure the teachers were like, "I wonder what this book is like? I'll have the kids read it, and based on their book reports, decide whether or not to read it myself."
H: Hee.
Me: Gregory Peck is hot, and I would totally read the book that this movie was based on.
H: Totally hot.
Me: "Chariots of Fire." Dig it.
[I'm pretty sure that I am the only one who finds all this funny. Because, you know, in the context of writing code and filing umbrella quotes, IMing like this is... totally awesome.]