February 03, 2005
Another Totally Obnoxious and Biased Movie Review
So. While Billy was napping for 14 consecutive hours last Friday, rendering it impossible for me to use the ridiculously ancient and loud binding machine anywhere in our modest ranch home, I decided to watch a movie that I knew Husband wouldn't watch with me. And rightly so.
I apologize to all of you who thoroughly enjoyed "Under the Tuscan Sun." It was very pretty, but I felt horribly cheated by the whole thing.
I mean, I liked the overall message of "Even if you don't get exactly what you wish for, you probably still get basically what you want, if you'd just suck it up and look around for one damn minute!" But I've seen it done much better many times before.
"UtTS" was, plain and simple, leisure porn. Oooh, let's all wistfully marvel at the kind of lifestyle NO ONE leads, let alone some freakin' mediocre writer who hasn't put out a book in years! How much did she make off one-half of the sale of her old house, anyway?! ON WHAT PLANE OF EXISTANCE DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
"Oh, poor me, my husband is an asshat, so I simply can't bring myself to do anything but wander around and have chance encounters with utterly fascinating people while exotic men are taking care of every aspect of my new house!"
Leisure porn. So utterly unbelievable that any "message" of "character development" (and yes, I'm totally making little quote signs in the air while I say those words) is lost in the din of me screaming, "You ungrateful, retarded bitch! How am I possibly supposed to empathize with your plight?! WHERE'S THE PLIGHT?!"
I'm so irritated. What a waste of time.
And I know what you're thinking. That I'm jealous of her. And of COURSE I'm jealous of her. But that's not why I hated the movie! It was, I think, trying to lead me along her path of healing and whatever, but it was so hard to watch, what with me having to roll my eyes every two minutes.
Opps. I forgot to use the words "pure awesome" in my review. I think Heather will understand -- they're just not applicable here.