February 28, 2005
Are You Sitting Down?
I bought Girl Clothes on Saturday.
No black hoodies. In fact, nothing with a hood or a zipper! Although, yes, it’s all v-necked. But when you have large melons and shoulders like a linebacker, v-neck is really the only way to go. Plus, it makes it easier for people to look down my shirt! Bonus!
A was with me, and after I’d tried on my usual heap of Anything Black In An XL, she wouldn’t let me out of the dressing room. Seriouly, she may be little, but she's scary, man. She held me hostage and just kept bringing me stuff I never would have picked out myself. Some of it in size L! And it fit! And there were colors! Oh dear God, the colors!
And you know what? Some of it looked damn cute on me. I'm sure my mother heard angels singing.
I was scared at first. Hey, this is pink! And this one has flowers! Are you trying to get me beaten up? Cuz Anne will totally beat me up for wearing flowers!
But it became kinda fun as I realized that A and I were both living out our dreams, right there in that little dressing room.
No, there was no hot lesbian sex, sorry.
But A was clever and helpful, a la her favorite t.v. show, "What Not to Wear." And I was a living, breathing Barbie doll. It rocked.
I ended up with three shirts and a sweater. Aqua, violet, periwinkle and lavender. (Don't panic -- I didn't let her talk me into the shirt with the sparkles.) I hung them up, but my other clothes don’t know what to do and are scooting away from them.
Don’t worry, black hoodies, this is not a new trend! You will always be my first love!
2 Good 2 B 4 Gotten 4 Evah!