February 17, 2005
The Birds, the Bees & the Corn
Since I am now forbidden to blog about Anne’s mom or anything that happens at Anne’s house (mice), I have to blog about detassling corn. [Excerpt from an email from Anne: “P.S. My mother has taken to writing “No Blog!” in bold at the end of every e-mail she sends to me."]
Now, I work in an OFFICE in a fairly URBAN area, i.e. CHICAGO. The closest I’ve ever come to a farm is yelling “Moo!” at the cows while driving through Wisconsin, and I gotta say that 99% of the people I know are in the same boat.
So why the hell did the words “detassling corn” come up THREE TIMES in ONE DAY by three different people?! What are the odds?! I mean, unless one is a corn farmer or employed by a corn farmer, there’s just no call for it in normal conversation. It’s like, “Hand me that piano.” There’s just no call for it EVER.
So Anne came over to my desk to make sure I understand that I cannot blog about her mom (clean freak) and then stood there looking bored, obviously waiting to be entertained. So I told her about “detasseling corn,” which she found as inherently wrong as I did.
The she asked the obvious question, “What’s a corn tassle, anyway?”
Since it’s Anne and she would just hit me, I opted out of the obvious stripper joke forming in my mind and said, “Let’s ask Tim! He’s a hillbilly! He’d know!”
[Tim is one of my bosses, and he’s hot. And he’s from downstate Illinois, so he’s basically southern, as far as I’m concerned.]
To Tim’s protests, I said, “Dude, you’re wearing a Cosby sweater – therefore, you’re a hillbilly. Now what is detasseling corn?”
And, not surprisingly, he knew and proceeded to provide us with an explanation, complete with pictures of corn and stories of detassling corn with girls in bikinis.
At one point, Tim was like, “It’s to avoid…” and couldn’t find the word, so I said, “Pollenation?”
And he said yes, and both he and Anne looked mighty surprised and impressed with my great, big brain and vast knowledge of agricultural practices.
And then he goes, “So, yeah, basically, you’re deflowering the corn.”
Sure, Tim, you’re not a hillbilly. Uh-huh.
Comments
Hello! Grew up in Central Illinois here! I've told you on numerous occasions that my family are all hillbillies! Call me next time you have an agricultural question!
Posted by: Marty at February 17, 2005 08:29 PM
If an Illinois farm boy tells you he "knows" corn... well, don't ask for details.
Posted by: groundhog at February 18, 2005 03:33 AM
This is my second year of "deflowering" the corn in Nebraska and I have yet to work with one chick who was wearing a bikini. Tim apparently knew of a pretty hot crew of tough skinned gals because that corn would slice up a girl's arms, legs, and stomach if she went into the fields like that. Maybe he's just a sick guy and was imagining the girls in bikinis....
Posted by: Corn Conquistador at July 25, 2005 08:49 PM
I still don't know the purpose of detassling corn, and whether or not i should do it to the 4 plants I planted out back of my store. and i like the terms Hooliganism, Debauchery & Shenanigans. and thats all. need to learn the secret farmer detassling mysteries. and are you married, and if no, do you want to get married.
Posted by: Robert Evans at July 24, 2008 12:21 PM