March 03, 2005
And It Is, It Is a Glorious Thing To Be a Pirate Wench!
So I was getting my neck adjusted and chit-chatting with my chiropractor, Dr. Angel. We chit-chat a lot, Dr. Angel and I. I’m totally his favorite patient, and he’s totally my favorite chiropractor. Know why? Cuz he’s fecking HOTT! OH yeah – he’s double-T hott! He looks just like Angel, only a bit shorter, and way less sullen.
Anyhoo, we like to catch up – cuz I only see him once a month now, and he misses me desperately – so he told me about his investment capitalism meeting, and I told him about MY NEW WEBSITE.
He wrote it down, “Pirate. Wench. Dot. Org. Well, I understand the wench part, but why pirate?”
Nice, huh? Yeah, he’s probably as sarcastic as Angel, but that’s okay cuz he’s HOTT.
But it made me realize that he’s probably not the only one with the letters WTF in a thought balloon over his head about the whole Pirate Wench thing. So I should provide some sort of explanation here.
I’m a Gilbert & Sullivan nerd. I literally grew up in a local community theatre group that did G&S exclusively. Remember when Bart’s last request was that Sideshow Bob sing him all of “H.M.S. Pinafore”? Yeah, I can totally do that. Hell, I could do that at age nine. Nerd!
But there’s something about G&S that has always bugged me. The men get to be lords, pirates and ghosts. While the women are always gibbering idiots. Oh, they call us townsfolk, maidens or bridesmaids, but it boils down to the same thing – tittering, easily-startled, man-starved morons. Only the outfits vary.
Needless to say, this is a bit of a stretch for me. I don’t bat my eyelashes well. Still, the music is fun, and our cast parties kicked ass, so I dutifully simpered around the stage and sang the mens’ parts in my car.
Back in 2001, while doing “The Pirates of Penzance” for the umpteenth time, there were an unusual number of women my age in the cast. (Usually, they’re over forty or under twenty. I don’t know why.) There were five of us ages 25-35 in the chorus, and two other hot young women with leads, and the seven of us totally bonded. Can you imagine – the soprano lead deigning to hang with the chorus? Well, deign she did – probably because the tenor lead was such a parasite.
Our little clique was quite the terror, as you can imagine. Always the first to break character, always the last to leave the parties.
To amuse ourselves during rehearsals, we sang along with the men and dreamed about a role-reversal “Pirates,” where we would wear the boots and billowing shirt and brandish the swords, and the men would wear short pants and caps, a la British school boys. God, it would be beautiful!
[Of course, ever since then, a reverse-gender “Pirates” has been writing itself in the back of my mind. Someday, before I’m too old to pull-off the leather look…]
But there was more to it than that. For whatever reason, that year’s cast was very heavy on the lecherous men with wandering hands who used the couples-oriented blocking to their advantage. Pair that with the group’s leaders being reluctant to disrupt their little boys’ club, and it made for some often uncomfortable working conditions.
And that’s not to say that there weren’t plenty of kind and gentlemanly men in the cast, but… well, everyone shared one dressing room. Get the picture? Yeah. {singsong voice} AWK-waaard! {/singsong voice} We made sure to run interference for each other.
And so the Pirate Wenches were born, not only out of fun and hotness and fabulous talent, but out of solidarity against asshats everywhere.
Since that “Pirates,” two wenches have gotten married (including me), one had a baby, and one moved out of state. But whether we are all together at a sleepover, drunk on margaritas, putting a pink toilet and mini jolly roger flags on someone’s lawn, or it’s just me blogging away on my little site; we remain in our hearts, forever and always, the Pirate Wenches.
No, I’m not posting pictures of us. Perverts.
Comments
I had sort of wondered where that came from, and this is a FABULOUS story. I have never been more glad to have friended a complete stranger on LJ. You amuse me no end.
Posted by: Kes at March 3, 2005 05:11 PM
Uh, so your HOTT chiropracter will get home tonight, log on, and read about your desires to get *him* on the table...?!
You are brave, my friend. Either that, or very foolish! ;)
Posted by: Celtic Elff at March 3, 2005 05:19 PM
All hail the sisterhood!
Posted by: Lola at March 3, 2005 10:29 PM
Hmmm.... Is that orfen as in frequently or orfen as in without parents? And I have this picture of Kevin Kline in a dress playing the role of the simpering maiden now.
Posted by: carpdeus at March 4, 2005 05:58 AM
You want pictures? I got the pictures. All of which can be had for a fairly reasonable price. Just make an offer...
Posted by: Marty at March 5, 2005 09:22 PM