March 18, 2005
Introducing... Lucy!
Well, Younger Sister (I think I will call her Billi from now on, for obvious reasons, because she really does need a name) and her husband have decided not to have a third child.
I find I have mixed emotions about this. For one, the interwoven DNA of the two of them produces such ridiculously adorable beings that the combined cuteness of three children would be positively paralyzing. Also, if the third is anything like the first two, I will probably be hospitalized from laughter.
Anyhoo, in lieu of a third child, they got A PUPPY!!!
And I just couldn’t be more excited! I love dogs, and I know that The Children love dogs, and all that lovin’ is just gonna be one Kodak moment after another! (The Boy Child has been known to drape himself over my poor Daisy as if she were a chaise lounge and he a lovelorn starlet with the vapors. Thankfully, Lucy is turning out to be a sturdy advesary!)
Obviously, they didn’t tell the folks at The Anti-Cruelty Society that The Boy Child is bi-polar and will probably attempt, at some point, to make sweet, sweet love to the dog. They never would have gotten the puppy outta the building. He has spent his time either lying next to the puppy, lying on the puppy (“Boy Child, get OFF the puppy!”), or standing there talking to her (“Ya yo ya yo ya yo, etc.”). He also joined her in her cage and was rewarded with some moist, rank-smelling pants.
Anyhoo, this is an exciting time for me for another completely different reason, too. I GET TO BE THE EXPERT! Billi will be calling ME with questions and looking to ME for wisdom! Despite the fact that I’m older than her, this will be a total role reversal.
See, Billi has always been prettier and cooler and more popular than me, and I always looked to her for my fashion and music cues. Garth Brooks, off-the-shoulder t-shirts –- oh, gimme a break, we’re in our 30s!
She was way ahead of me on the partying curve, so there was no need to introduce her around. She got married the same year I did -– and stayed married, so obviously, she’s not looking to me for marital advice. And she actually made her own children, instead of just occasionally looking after other peoples’, so I’m no help there whatsoever.
But now… NOW! Now I am Master & Commander of Canine Guidance and Development! I ROCK! I know how to crate train/potty train a puppy! I know how to get pee stains out of a carpet! I know what toys are the best! I know how to train a dog to stay out of your way when you’re carrying a basket of laundry down the stairs! I am a veritable cornucopia of dog-related knowledge!
So, Lucy is half black lab, half shepherd and, as you can tell from the photo, freakin’ adorable. Even after The Boy Child has tortured her into a coma.
I’m going there after work today to spend the night, and in the morning, Billi takes Lucy to Puppy Obedience Class.
She’s like, “Do you wanna come with and see all the puppies, or stay home and play with the chilluns?”
What is this -– some sort of sick joke?! I have to choose between puppies and chilluns?! God, that’s just mean! Can’t we just take the kids with us to the class? To this, of course, Billi laughed her ass off.
I think I’ll stay with the kids. See, if I let myself be exposed to dozens of adorable, little puppies, I’m just gonna wanna go out and get one for myself. However, if I stay with the kids, wanting to have one for myself really isn’t an issue.