March 23, 2005
Oh, the Weather Outside ISN'T Frightful
God, Chicagoans are getting soft.
A light dusting of snow this morning, not even enough to cover the grass, and people are driving 10 miles under the speed limit. It's not pudding on the road, people! Jesus, it's barely discernable as snow!
The Blizzard of '79, man. Now that was snow! We jumped off the porch roof of our house into it! Schools and businesses were closed for days! When the snowplows finally started clearing the streets and pushing the snow into huge piles on the streetcorners, we didn't go over it or around it, we tunneled through it!
We need another winter like that to remind us of who we are. We're Chicagoans, dammit! We laugh at snow flurries! We put cement blocks in our trunks and chains on our tires and cry to the grey sky, "Is that all you got, bitch? You call that snow? I can still see my garage! BRING IT ON!"
I'm driving behind a Camry this morning doing 30 mph in a 40 zone, and I'm just embarassed. What have we become -- Floridians? Are we gonna stop wearing shorts and bring out the Gortex when the temperature dips below 65?
My dad used to build sledding hills and ice skating rinks and igloos in our backyard. Igloos, people! BRICKS OF SNOW! When was the last time we had a winter like that? And you know what else? Snow is pretty!
Mother Nature, hear my plea. I know you're a vindictive bitch. I know because I planned my wedding for June 1, knowing our church isn't air conditioned, but thinking, "How hot could it be June 1?" Yeah, 90 degrees hot!
So don't act like you can't hear the collective Windy City whining when the weatherman mentions two inches of snow. Don't pretend like you're not preparing a smackdown. Put us over your knee and teach us the meaning of the words WINTER IN CHICAGO. We deserve it.
Comments
I forgot about igloos. and I've never weighted my car with cement blocks....but I *have* marked my hard-earned, freshly-shoveled parkin' spot with lawn furniture while I went to the store!
Posted by: heather at March 23, 2005 01:26 PM
What have we become -- Floridians?
Ouch! But true ('cept for me.)
Amazing to me that in Miami, a place that gets something like 900 feet of rainfall per year (sometimes all at once), the sudden appearance of a sprinkle will cause spontaneous eyeball-dislodging deceleration amid a sea of brake lights. And if they survive, they put on their freakin' emergency flashers!
I remmember the '79 blizzard, last winter I spent in Chicago. My generation had the '67 blizzard.
Posted by: subtropic at March 23, 2005 06:31 PM