March 21, 2005
Sorry for the Incoherent Rambling
I’m so not motivated today. I can barely summon the will to go pee or get something to eat.
The problem? My bangs. They’re too long and driving me crazy. Of course, I had all weekend to cut them, but they weren’t too long until I woke up this morning. Yesterday, bangs fine. Today, bangs intolerable.
And yes, I trim my own bangs. Because I get my hair cut so not often. Which, I guess, would be seldom. I get my hair cut so seldom that I’d be Cousin It if I waited for Linda to cut them along with the rest of my hair.
So as soon as I walk in the damn door this afternoon -– which will be early because Top Boss isn’t here today, so… why am I? –- I’m cutting my bangs. And until then, they’re so annoying me that I can’t possibly do anything else but eat and read the “America’s Next Top Model” recap on Television Without Pity. I can’t file with these bangs, are you kidding?! I can barely see!
Over the weekend, I played “Halo”! Oooooh! Does that make me cool now? Or not so much because I should have been playing “Halo 2” to actually be up-to-the-minute cool?
Anyway, I sucked. Billi’s husband made me play with him. I don’t know why. The controls are so hard to get used to! You have to look around with one hand, but move around with the other. I can barely walk around in real life. Enhanced computer generated walking is just way beyond my grasp. So I spent the whole game just trying to figure out where he was and follow him through doors and crap.
At one point I literally held up the entire game and almost ruined it because I was standing in front of the tank he was driving, which was on fire, and I forgot how to move. Plus, in my defense, there was a wall next to me. A WALL!
I’m like, “Dude, I so suck at this.”
And in a fit of unprecedented kindness, he’s like, “No, you don’t! You’re doing great! You’re distracting the enemies with your style of… running!”
Amazing, tho’, I was a better flyer than him. Also, I did manage to kill something, about once every ten minutes. Mostly by falling and landing on it. I plummeted to my death A LOT.
Which is probably the biggest reason I didn’t like the game because I have a huge fear of plummeting to my death. Must’ve happened to me in a previous life or something because I can’t even go on roller coasters. Seriously, not even the wimpy Disney roller coasters.
My other huge fear is having something weird happen to me –- like being abducted by aliens, or having some ghost want me to solve her murder for her, or slipping into another dimension –- and nobody believes me. Which is part of the reason I have this blog, so if I start seeing dead people, I can write about it here, and one of you has to believe me.
Comments
ok...at first, I thought you meant your bangs were so long you actually walked into a door....which, if you will excuse me for saying, is a pretty damned funny image. I'm going to start calling you "Blondie Ramone"
also: playing videogames well means you don't have a sex life. so, basically, you should aspire to suck as much as you can!
yes. I know. Dirty.
Posted by: heather at March 21, 2005 12:19 PM
That is so cool! I'm glad you played coop with someone or you would have been even more frustrated. It takes some time to get used to playing a shooter on a console control, so don't feel bad about that.
It's kind of too bad that you only had a bit of time to play. Since you were playing with the tank, it must have been the Assault on the Control Room level which is one of my favorites. But it doesn't have as much Cortana goodness as other levels.
Cortana is the female AI that is currently riding shotgun in the main character's head. It's one of the funnier quirks to the game that this very macho, very male character is actually being driven around like a gun-slinging jeep by a woman. And she is clearly the brains of the outfit.
And despite what Heather says, playing video games does not mean you don't have a sex life. The key is being able to put the controller down. In your case, I seriously doubt that will ever be an issue.
In the tooting my own horn dept.... if you ever get to see the end credits, you'll see my name under Special Thanks. It ain't much, but I'm kind of proud of it.
Posted by: Stuart Moulder at March 21, 2005 05:06 PM