April 01, 2005
My Car Is Sooooooo Clean!
It twinkles, inside and out! I looooooooooove it so much, I want to marry it! I'm going to spend all my time in my car, especially sleeping, but not eating! No more food in my car EVER! In fact, I'm not even taking passengers anymore.
Things You Will Find In My House But Not In My Car, Which Is Why I'm Going To Live In My Car
1. Soap scum
2. Husband's socks
3. Dog hair
4. Week-old broccoli
5. Dust
6. Case's underwear
7. Case
8. Spaghettios
9. 1,000 issues of National Geographic
10. Sawdust
This morning, I put my plastic pint jug of milk in the beverage holder, like a humanoid. So that's going well. However, one tiny drawback is that I have to towel the inside of the windows off every morning.
The carpet and upholstery are still drying, and God forbid I should be able to park my car in the garage overnight and leave the windows open so it can dry out! Nooooo, that would mean Husband paring down his fine collection of lumber and Things We May Need Some Day If The Revolution Comes And We're Caught Unawares And Have To Turn Our Home Into A Fortress And Can't Get To Menard's.
So while Husband was naked and vulnerable in the bathroom this morning, I sweetly expressed to him my delight at the prospect of having to sit on a plastic bag while driving for the next three months because -- have I mentioned? -- MY HUSBAND STORES EVERYTHING HE HAS EVER LOOKED AT IN OUR GARAGE.
And then a miracle happened. An honest to Odin miracle.
All the electricity went off in our house, and a blinding light shone into our bathroom window. Daisy barked once, then rolled over on her back. A chorus of voices came from nowhere, and a beautiful figure clad all in white stepped out from behind the shower curtain, smiling benevolently.
"Lo," it said, "The Lord hath looked upon your garage and declared it unseemly in His eyes. Did He not create garages for your car? Why do you defy the Lord? Yea, this very weekend, thou shalt remove lumber and boxes and things you'll never use from your garage, and you shall put them in storage or haul them to the curb. And lo, it shall be good."
And just as suddenly, it was over, and the lights and radio went back on.
Husband goes, "Did you see that?!"
Oh, I sure did. And there was much rejoicing.
Comments
Don't tell my husband, or he'll start praying for a miracle like that at our house . . . and I really may need that stuff someday!
Posted by: Lola at April 1, 2005 02:11 PM