April 25, 2005
PEN15s & Pajamas
Oh, such a full and fun weekend, as is evidenced by the celebratory "Angwy Eyebwows" icon in my header! And is it inappropriate to have my sweet, adorable Boy Child in the same header as Heather's (nicely filled-out) "PEN15" shirt? I don't think so.
Actually, it's rather fitting. As I was giving The Boy Child and The Girl Child their baths on Friday night, The Girl Child pointed to The Boy Child's... um,... "manhood" and asked, "What do you call that thingy again?"
I couldn't remember if Billi had some creative nickname for it, like winky or doodle or manhood, so I just said, "Penis." Being careful to remain respectful and mature and not start giggling.
"Oh yeah. Am I gonna put on my pajamas after this?"
And just like that, she switched gears, the male member being far less interesting than Dora the Explorer on a cotton/poly blend.
And God forbid I'm ever able to just eat my dinner without Boy Child climbing into my lap, flapping his ridiculously long eyelashes and making baby bird open-mouth gestures towards whatever it is I'm eating at the moment.
Dude, this is my dinner! You just ate two minutes ago! I'm starving! Because you ate my lunch, too!
So I made him get off me and wait 30 seconds for me to inhale the hotdog (dirty!) and start one for him. When Girl Child gleefully entered the room to narc on her brother.
"Auntie, Boy Child has his hands in the toilet!"
"WHAT?! Oh, God! BOY CHILD! DO NOT PLAY IN THE TOILET!"
You can imagine my awe at actually hearing myself say the words, "Do not play in the toilet!"
Thank God he was wearing overalls, so I could just carry him by the straps and not actually have to touch him. (Yes, this was pre-bath, thank God. I'm telling this story out of sequence because the penis bit had to come first. You always lead with the penis.)
So Girl Child was all raring to go about she and I having a Pajama Party. Now, I know what I do during pajama parties, but I didn't think that margaritas and 2 a.m. t.p.-ing raids was what she had in mind, so, once I put Boy Child to bed, I let her call the shots.
Apparently, staying up late (past 9:00!) and having a snack (Smarties & goldfish crackers) at the little table in her room is the Height Of Decadence! I am officially The Coolest Auntie EVER! Behold my Coolness!
And now Billi is going to kick my ass for a) letting her eat in her room, and: b) giving her candy right before bed.
But it's totally worth it!
The next morning -- get this -- I fed the dog, let her out to poop, got the kids dressed and fed! I was, like, all maternal and shit! You wouldn't have recognized me, what with my very mom-esque hoodie-over-the-nightshirt couture and all. Dear Christ, I was tired.
How do parents sleep? Ever? Even when the kids are fine -- how??? They could be kidnapped by terrorists AT ANY MOMENT! I had the guest room door open and baby monitor with me so that Billi and Mr. Billi could sleep in. Every cough, every rustle of the sheets had me awake and on Amber Alert.
What was that? The boogeyman? The Spanish Inquisition? Stealth bombers? Chuckie? I must gather the children into my bed and tuck them 'neath my wings because only then will I get more than 15 minutes of sleep at a stretch!
God, this blog is long and random and completely out of order. I apologize. Blame it on the Nyquil because I can't breathe out of my right nostril, and that was the only cold medicine we had in the house. I'll do better tomorrow, I swear. Later this week, I'll cover Heather's Mom's surprise party and the Kane County Antique Doll and Toy Show!
Just kidding. I wouldn't subject you to vintage Barbie babblings. Well, maybe just a little.
Comments
"How do parents sleep? Ever? Even when the kids are fine -- how??? "
OMFG*ROFLMAO
Truth be told, I'm not getting much sleep at all these days. Thank the blasted colic for that.
Grrr.
Good thing he's so cute...
Posted by: Celtic Elff at April 25, 2005 10:25 PM
Hey
I want to hear about vintage Barbie babblings, mostly just the dirty ones though
Posted by: Mord at April 26, 2005 09:25 AM