June 20, 2005
Anne Makes My Dreams Come True
You know, Anne doesn't need to get any scarier, but now, she's developing super powers. Now, I don't know if she's been working on it in her secret volcano lab, or if the Fates have just chosen to bestow them upon her. Either way, this does not bode well for us mere mortals.
It was our first night after browsing the Mall of America, and I was tucked in my hotel bed, while visions of fanny packs danced in my head.
Seriously, I need a fanny pack. A belt bag. A fag bag. Whatever you want to call it -- one of those figure-demolishing, around-the-waist purses from the 80s. Why, you ask? Why subject my waist to the thickening disfigurement of the fanny pack? Why, indeed.
Why, indeed. I don't even know what that means.
I'm going to Disney World in August (FREE, but I'll tell you more about that as the time approaches... or, let's face it, when I'm desparate for something to blog about), and in order to keep my hands free for shopping, groping Minnie Mouse and drinking my way through the Epcot countries. I need... a dreaded fanny pack. Don't try to talk me out of it! I've already made up my mind. Go on without me! SAVE YOURSELF!
Whew. Stay focused, Wench. So, I was dreaming about fanny packs. Specifically, pink ones, so I don't look like a dyke-trucker. (Please direct hate mail to dyketruckersarepeopletoo@stupidbitch.com) And I dreamed that we were at a purse store, and Anne found me a pink belt bag.
Obviously, I was obsessing. But that's one of the things that makes me charming, right? Right?
So the next day,... okay, I've babbled too long and totally killed the suspense. Anne found me a pink belt bag at Wilson's. And she found it in, like, five seconds!
I was like, "Oh my God! Anne! Last night, I dreamed you found me a pink belt bag! And now, you just did!"
And she was all, "Dude. You would have found it yourself eventually. I just didn't want to be here looking for pink purses one second longer than was absolutely necessary."
"Still. You totally made my dream come true."
To which she made her patented Disgusted Face.
Of course, there's always the possibility that I'm the one with the super powers -- able to predict events before they occur...
Yeah, I'm gonna go with that. Way less creepy.
Hey, guess what! I can tell the future! Wheeeeee!
Comments
if you think I'll be seen with you if you're wearing it, you're out of your mind, darlin'
I love you, but if you wore a fanny-pack/belt bag around me, I'd have to save you from yourself.
Posted by: heather at June 20, 2005 02:18 PM
OK Tinkerbell, if you wear a fanny pack at WDW, many things will happen:
1. It will, in fact, draw attention to your fanny.
2. Being pink... well, see number 1 above.
3. You'll look like every other fanny-pack wearing dork on the property.
4. After 1/2 day you will discover it is a) too small; b) too large.
5. When you have to wear a sweater or jacket, you'll be unable to decide whether it shoud go on the outside or the inside.
Just get a backpack. They're much more versatile.
Posted by: InnocentBystander at June 20, 2005 02:47 PM
Wow, Wenchie, on the off-chance that you have British readers, do you know what 'fanny' means over there?
*cringes*
Posted by: Celtic Elff at June 20, 2005 11:58 PM
Trying to muscle in on my mighty precognition, eh? Well, we'll soon see how that turns out!
Posted by: Max at June 21, 2005 12:00 AM
Her stmt re you would have found it yourself is very Wizard of Oz - you always had the power all along kinda thing - does that make Anne like Glinda?
Posted by: qfe at June 21, 2005 07:20 AM
If I were a good friend, I would have used the superpowers to talk her out of the fanny pack. And anyway, I still don't understand what makes a pink one less gay than a black one.
Posted by: Anne at June 21, 2005 07:54 AM