June 27, 2005
Batman Purely, Awesomely Begins
My movie reviews suck, but I don't care because if CHRISTIAN BALE self-Googles, I want CHRISTIAN BALE to come here. And cum here. But that's just...
Hokay then.
This post may contains a couple spoilers for Batman Begins, but probably nothing that would ruin your viewing enjoyment. Cuz seriously, you could be sitting in a pool of your own vomit, and I doubt that would ruin your viewing enjoyment. But still -- SPOILERS. There. I said it.
Also, this post is rather link-heavy, cuz I've been stalking CHRISTIAN BALE all morning on IMDB, but the links aren't really necessary, if you don't have the time.
Before I get to the list of awesome things about this movie, let me just get this off my chest. Katie Holmes was a waste of film. The red-shirt thugs had more depth than her. She was only there to spout platitudes and act as damsel-in-distress, and the movie needed neither.
Also? I don't buy her as the Manager of a Burger King, let alone a District Attorney. Christ on a cracker. A billionaire dressing up like a giant bat I can swallow (heh), but just how far do they expect me to suspend my disbelief?
Now, onto all the awesome things about the movie:
1. CHRISTIAN BALE.
2. CHRISTIAN BALE's buff, buff body.
3. It had ninjas!!!
4. Morgan Freeman. So adorable.
5. Liam Neeson as Head Ninja!!!
6. Michael Caine appeared to be sober.
7. Gary Oldman was a good guy and not a freak in any way, so I didn't have nightmares.
8. CHRISTIAN BALE looks equally good in a suit and tie as he does in skeevy hobo attire.
9. There was no Robin.
10. The car. There just aren't words for this car.
11. Scarecrow looked just as monstrously creepy with his mask off as he did with it on.
12. Baby Bruce wasn't annoying.
13. Did I mention? Yummy, dark and broody.
So, CHRISTIAN BALE is my god and king. AND? He's six-foot-two. He's going to have to replace someone on my List of Five, fer sure. Either Owen or Dom. Sorry, boys, but I can't resist a man who's handy with tools.
I saw the movie Saturday night with Marty, who is probably even more tired of hearing about CHRISTIAN BALE than you are, believe it or not. Unfortunately, Marty was the only male available to me at that particular time. He'll be outta the hospital in a day or two. But I'm still horny.
Comments
seriously, I would be annoyed/bored with her CHRISTIAN BALE references if I hadn't been regaling her with Cillian Murphy love....mmmm...I miss you most of all, scarecrow!!!
Posted by: heather at June 27, 2005 11:28 AM
You can take Owen off - because if push comes to shove I will shove you down an empty elevator shaft to get to that man - so basically why have him on if you don't have a chance?
Posted by: qfe at June 27, 2005 01:15 PM
I'm not gay...
But if I were...
...for a Christian Bale/Cillian Murphy sandwich, I would gladly be the meat...
Posted by: Mord at June 27, 2005 02:35 PM
I now have fainted and died and gone to heaven and come back from the dead and now I have a really hott postcard in my mind to remember THAT comment, dear.
Posted by: heather at June 27, 2005 02:48 PM
Unfortunately? UNFORTUNATELY??? Geez, thanks a lot!
Oh, you wenches are all alike! Seven or eight quick ones and then you're out with your blog to boast and brag!
Posted by: Marty at June 27, 2005 03:18 PM
Hmph.
Although (1) I liked the movie, (2) CHRISTIAN BALE was, indeed, a very believable Batman, and (3) it was a really, really good Batman-ish movie, there were a couple of problems with it I can't overlook.
The movie is definitely worth seeing, though.
Posted by: Max at June 27, 2005 06:38 PM
I definitely agree with you on the Christian Bale front. However, I do have one recommendation: if you go on a Christian Bale movie-watching kick, avoid, avoid, AVOID seeing "American Psycho". It freaked me out so badly that it put me off him for the better part of three years, and I've been a Bale fan since "Newsies" and "Swing Kids" when I was in high school! But seriously, see anything else he's been in, because he rocks.
Posted by: Mickey at June 28, 2005 02:34 AM
I meant unfortunately for you, Marty. How are those rib fractures coming along?
Posted by: Wenchie at June 28, 2005 07:37 AM
Wow. Wow! I've never seen him, but daaaayyyymmmmnnn!
Posted by: Queen of Ass at June 28, 2005 09:42 AM
Oh, the rib fractures will heal quickly enough.
It's the deep psychological scarring that will never go away. I'll never be able to hear the phrase "To the Bat-cave" again without shuddering...
Posted by: Marty at June 28, 2005 11:31 AM