June 30, 2005
I'm Naming My Next Pet "Cooter"
I just never know what's going to generate comments on this blog. I mean, I can spend days perfecting something I think is really funny and well written, and I won't get one damn comment from you people!
(Not that I'm bitter.)
And then, I can throw a bunch of crap at the screen, have only the most putrid and moist pieces of it stick, and people just can't shut up about it, as if I'd just hired a Scientologist to follow my fiance around.
(Hmm. Dated material. That's not going to read well in a couple months. Or, hopefully, a couple days. Enh, screw it. It's staying.)
Example: My Jump-the-Shark, Best-of-Comments, A-Very-Special-Pirate-Wench post, which has since become known as simply... That VAGINA Post.
(Yes, VAGINA, like CHRISTIAN BALE, must be capitalized. So it hath been decreed, and so it shall be. In the name of the cooter, the bod and the holy wench. Amen.)
The VAGINA post generated a lot of emails in a short span of time! You people sure like to talk about the VAGINA!
my sources say "fanny" in the UK is "cooter" here in the US.so, basically, my darling wenchie, should she ask for one of her beloved fanny packs while in the UK, may very well provoke a deep, mortified blush. or perhaps a smack?
Posted by: heather at June 28, 2005 02:23 PM
"Fanny" is UK slang for VAGINA. God, that looks so majestic in caps.
Posted by: Heather's timid co-worker at June 28, 2005 03:25 PM
the second British definition (noun)...although i'd give my left nut to be physically present when you asked, say, muskrat_john to explain it to you.
Oh, wait. I don't have a left nut... ;)
Posted by: celticelff at June 28, 2005 06:50 PM
Fanny in Britspeak means one's womanly parts. Which is why the notion of a fanny pack is coffee-snorting amusing to a Brit, no doubt.
Posted by: Mickey at June 29, 2005 02:40 AM
ok, we've just established that your dearest fans all love vagina.or, at least, love to type it.
vagina vagina vagina.
be sure to let us know what your web search terms are this week, in your stats page!
{grin}
Posted by: heather at June 29, 2005 08:21 AM
Ahh, so refreshing to see your readers are up on slang ;) So next time you don your pink-fanny-pack, just remember.*evil chuckle*
Posted by: celticelff at June 29, 2005 09:21 AM
I'm so calling it my Vagina Pack from now on.And it's somehow appropriate that it's pink...
Posted by: Pirate Wench at June 29, 2005 10:28 AM
Pink VAGINA Pack...sheer brilliance. I've decided to now use caps at all times when typing VAGINA and will use the word as often as possible. Heather & PW, I genuflect before you both for giving us a forum to express our appreciation of the VAGINA.And Heather...can you believe you typed a sentence that says "your dearest friends all love VAGINA"!?!? That is why you are most excellent. It's SO TRUE too! I mean, I'm really a big fan of them.
Posted by: Heather's timid co-worker at June 29, 2005 10:42 AM
And it all culminated in the following email from Heather's Timid Co-worker, CCed to Heather:
Alright you two... if you keep up with this "blog" fad that the kids are all talking about, I will never get anything done. How many times a day can I "refresh" the PW page to see what sarcastic observation about humanity, animals, Wisconsin, child prodigies, genitalia and Barbie subculture PW has made? It is becoming debilitating.Heather you're so full of baloney too. You're all, "Oh, you should check out my friend's blog. She's really funny." Like you were doing me a favor. Now that I'm hooked, I can see it was all a part of your plan to get me fired for lack-of-production so you can take over my premium, back-corner, cubicle.
...back to filing my sexual harassment paperwork against Heather for wearing open-toed shoes and getting me all ramped-up about typing the V-word constantly.
What V-word? You mean... VAGINA?
(Indeed, I can just see my Top Ten Search Keyphrases this week. Man, I am all about the asides today.)
I love HTCW. I want to have $ex with his brain (as the self-proclaimed gigantic blue PEN15 and white man-boobs are... well, frankly, not that appealing). He should have his own blog. He's way funnier than me.
Bow to my majestic VAGINA!
Okay, enough of the vag-speak. Thank God my Mom is on vacation this week and won't be reading this. I'm firing up the grill tonight for dinner. Would anyone else like a hotdog?
Comments
*grins impishly*
Well, I'm SO glad I could claim a small boost to comment prolificity :)
Posted by: celticelff at June 30, 2005 09:31 AM
"So it hath been decreed, and so it shall be. In the name of the cooter, the bod and the holy wench. Amen."
Would that be considered the PW "sign of the crotch"? Get it? I may be your only fan that is mentally 11 years old.
Secondly, the V-assault was entirely Heather's fault. She of the "cooter" and "VAGINA x4" post. (Actually, that would be a great chick, punk-band name. VAGINA x4. I get dibbs on that one.)
PW, I am not worthy of your grey-matter desire. Simply a minion cowering in your blogging showdows! HOWEVER, my brain will have the lava lamps lit, Courvoisier chillin' and the Luther Vandross on the turn table if that moment ever presents itself.
Posted by: Heather's timid co-worker at June 30, 2005 11:00 AM
I can spend days perfecting something I think is really funny and well written, and I won't get one damn comment from you people!
Welcome to my world. I give up. Poop!
Posted by: Animated Max at June 30, 2005 03:14 PM
I must confess myself to be in awe of the complete hilariousness that is the Pirate Wench. Every time I think this blog can't get any funnier, she goes and tops herself again (or, considering the below-the-belt focus of late, would it be bottoms?).
This is why Pirate Wench earns the coveted spot in my daily reading immediately after my favorite webcomics – even before my daily check of my bank balance.
Posted by: Homidus Corax Celticus at June 30, 2005 03:35 PM
I am humbled beyond words.
Posted by: Pirate Wench at July 1, 2005 01:40 PM
VAGINA.
VAGINA
VAGINA VAGINA VAGINA VAGINA VAGINA VAGINA VAGINA VAGINA VAGINA VAGINA VAGINA VAGINA VAGINA VAGINA VAGINA VAGINA VAGINA VAGINA VAGINA VAGINA VAGINA VAGINA VAGINA VAGINA VAGINA VAGINA VAGINA VAGINA VAGINA VAGINA VAGINA VAGINA VAGINA VAGINA VAGINA
COOOOL.
Cooter. nah, VAGINA is better.
I don't suppose you want to learn how to say it in Persian, do you? (hey! If you bother to learn another language, learn it ALL, I say!)
BWAAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!
I love Pirate Wench! (and her little rum keg, too!)
Posted by: Scarlett Cyn at July 6, 2005 10:33 AM