July 14, 2005
Not Motivated to Work Today
Okay, tomorrow, I leave on a five-day vacation with my cousins, their spouses and dogs, that will entail most or all of the following:
1. No less than 5 lbs. of bacon consumed.
2. Many things blown up and much ammo used.
3. Someone will get something gross on them from some animal.
4. Cocktails begin at breakfast.
5. Someone will see someone else's spouse naked.
For these reasons and many others (including napping and shopping), I'm excited and cannot focus on one damn thing today. Therefore, today's blog will be random thoughts that make no sense and interest no one. You've been warned.
Ever have one of those zits that just won’t go away, no matter how many times you pop it? I just popped one on my forehead for the third time, and the day’s not half over, yet!
Is it too early in the morning to be injecting Diet Coke directly into my veins?
I made a Sleestak reference in the elevator today, and of the four other people on board, NO ONE got it. Why do I come up with my best material when it’s completely unappreciated? Do you realize how long it's going to take for another Sleestak-reference-opportunity to come around? DAMMIT!
I’m conducting an experiment to see how long it’ll take the cleaning crew to remove the following items from underneath my desk: one Good ‘n’ Plenty, three pieces of Kix cereal, a big flake of Butterfinger.
And now this, because it caught my attention:
Owen Wilson Licks Butt for Two Hours
Yes, you read that right – licks butt, not kicks butt.
Okay, yeah, it’s kinda weird. And okay, granted, he didn’t give the most intelligent reply; but in his defense, his tongue was probably too tired to talk very well.
Now, the problem I have with this report is that it’s completely one-sided. We don’t get to hear the lickee’s side of the story. It’s quite possible that she asked him to lick her butt for two hours, and he was just being an accommodating lover.
Frankly, ...I could think of worse ways to pass the time than to have some cute guy lap at my ass like a saucer of sweet cream. In fact, if a guy were to find my booty so luscious that it warranted a two-hour tongue-bath, I think I’d be pretty goddamn delighted and honored!
And on that note, lunch.
Comments
Ya'll aren't gonna combine the cocktails AND the ammo, right? Because if that's the plan, I demand to know where you are going and how long you will be there. And if it's to my particular city, which street you will be staying on so that I know if it's okay to let Munchkin out to play or not.
Posted by: Queen of Ass at July 14, 2005 08:36 PM
Sleestak referencing opportuinities come up pretty frequently around me, perhaps because of my uncanny resemblance to the head Sleestak. Or was that Skeletor?
Posted by: Max Hufnagel at July 16, 2005 09:01 AM
Mahatma Gandhi, as you know, walked barefoot most of the time, which produced an impressive set of calluses on his feet. He also ate very little, which made him rather frail and with his odd diet, he suffered from bad breath. This made him a super-calloused fragile mystic hexed by halitosis.
Posted by: Burt the Chimney Sweep at July 18, 2005 07:48 PM