July 12, 2005
I've Got a Lov-er-ly Bunch of Coconuts!
So, way back in time, Heather and her sibs threw Heather's Mom a surprise birthday party. And I think I said I'd blog about it, and I certainly meant to, because what's not fun about this?
But I saw something shiny in my peripheral vision, became distracted and never wrote about it. And, of course, now I don't remember a damn thing I was gonna write about. You'll just have to trust me that, in my head, it was the FUNNIEST BLOG EVER. But I suck, and now you have to settle for this photo:
And two stories.
Heather's Mom was opening her presents, and someone got her some fancy-schmancy birdfeeder shaped like the Taj Mahal or something. I was standing next to Heather's Boyfriend, who filmed the whole thing.
But I forgot the sound was on, and I said, "Oh, isn't that just darling!"
And the lady next to me goes, with all sincerity, "I know! It's just precious!"
And I started cracking up, and Heather's Boyfriend had given me so many yummy, slushy drinks that I fell over on him. Serves him right. But my hand totally slipped, and I didn't mean to grope him! It was an accident, as far as you know, Heatherrrrrrrrrrrr!
The second story is really a lovely tale of redemption. See, back in high school, anyone who smoked scared the shit outta me because smoking = hardass, right? I would walk way outta my way going home because I didn't want to go anywhere near the corner where the burn-outs were hanging out by the forest preserve in their denim jackets smoking and clearly conspiring to beat-up the next short, bespectacled nerd that walked by.
At Heather's Mom's party, Heather's Brother (who is totally hott and hates my guts) was on the back patio smoking with all his friends, and clearly planning to beat me up. But Heather's Boyfriend was out there, too, and Heather was playing hostess and needed me to relay some message or another, so I had to go...
INTO THE SMOKING FRAY!
I went out there, and one of the guys was throwing a football with Heather's precocious, obnoxious, small, male cousin, who was on the other side of the yard, which backs up to a forest preserve.
(Remember: Smokers + Forest Preserve = SCARY!)
One of the other smokers said, "Isn't there poison ivy back there?"
So I cupped my hands to my mouth and yelled to the little boy, "Go deep!"
Man, I cracked the smokers up! They laughed until they were coughing up their lungs! Seriously! Mottled pieces of brown tissue were splatting onto the brick! It was amazing! I had been accepted into their ranks!
The silverback came over and started grooming me, but that's where I drew the line and went back inside.
And now -- why isn't Heather looking at the camera?
'Cuz she's staring at her sister's coconuts, that's why.
Comments
if I wasn't hypnotized by that last picture, I'd probably remember why I am going to kill you and mord...hmm....
I know there's SOMETHING I should be mad about...
(soothing pretty sister photo)
Posted by: heather at July 13, 2005 10:12 AM
That's YOU? YOU? Yummy!
Posted by: Queen of Ass at July 13, 2005 11:16 AM
Um, in case there's any confusion, I'm not Heather's Sister.
Altho' our racks are surprisingly similar.
No, I am, alas, not as good-looking as Heather's family. But they love me anyway.
Posted by: Pirate Wench at July 13, 2005 12:51 PM
Speaking as Heather's Boyfriend:
I have to agree that any groping incidents were accidental and the direct result of the "many yummy, slushy drinks". Furthermore, they are in no way related the secret crush Pirate Wench has for me.
Also, not that I looked, but they are very nice coconuts and I imagine the baby on board has only slightly enhanced them.
Posted by: Mord at July 13, 2005 12:52 PM