August 17, 2005
HEED MY WARNING!
This would be much easier if I were Catholic. Then I could be talking to some decrepit drunk behind a screen who won't remember what I'm going to say anyway, instead of talking to THE ENTIRE INTERNET.
Yup, it's confession time.
So, y'all know I'm married. And y'all probably know that I'm a stepmom. Yeah, I married a guy with two daughters who were, at the time of our nuptuals, 11 and 14. Now they're 15 and soon-to-be-18.
I HAVE TEENAGED STEPDAUGHTERS.
I'll give you a moment to let the horror of that sink in.
Not because they're particularly horrific people, mind you. But they're teenaged girls. And all teenaged girls, by their very nature, are horrifying. I know -- I was one.
And now? On Mother's Day, I send Mom a big bouquet of flowers and a card thanking her for not killing me, and then I get down on my hands and knees and annoint her feet with scented oils, which kinda freaks out the other people in the brunch buffet line, but screw them. They didn't have to raise me! Seriously, I was an Olympic contender in Eye-Rolling.
So did y'all see the front page headline on Monday's Chicago Tribune? BLOGS CAN BITE! (I'd link to it, but you have to register with your email address to read it, and I don't wanna. Go look it up yourself if you're so interested. Do I have to do everything around here?)
It's all about how blogging can get you in trouble, and it features Heather B. Armstrong, first person to get fired for blogging about work, as if anyone in the world hasn't heard of Dooce, yet! Crimeny!
Folks, I should have listened. I should have heeded Dooce's warning. Heck, the name of her blog is now a verb! How could I ignore that?! Clearly, I'm a retard.
In February, I started a blog on LiveJournal about being a stepmom. I wrote about how much it TOTALLY SUCKS HAIRY DONKEY BALLS to be a stepmom, and I got a lot of empathy and support from strangers who stumbled upon it.
Which is ironic, if I may get dramatic here for a moment. In my home, I often feel like Bart Simpson, jumping up and down, waving my arms and screaming, "Pay attention to me! Pay attention to me!" To no avail. But the people who read and commented on my blog brought me such comfort. I'll miss that.
Anyhoo, the point is, it's gone now. And if you hadn't read it, lemme tell ya, it got MEAN. I mean, Wenchie's trademark snarkiness taken to all new depths. It was really, really bad. Repressed anger is not your friend. I definately needed a place to vent and rant, but it got way outta hand.
And they found it. My stepdaughters found it.
I'll give you a moment to let the horror of that sink in.
How? I don't know. Doesn't matter. Do they know about this one? Meh, probably. But I don't care. I love this website and am damn proud of it.
My marriage? Don't know, yet. There are so many unanswereds. Can anyone ever forgive me? Can the marriage be saved, if we both want it badly enough? When does the next season of "America's Next Top Model" start so I can get my mind off this for a bit?
Am I sorry? You bet your sweet ass I am. Have I learned anything? Um...
DUH!!!
Hey, I know lots of people have gotten fired for blogging, but has anyone gotten divorced because of it? Would I be the first? Would I be famous? Cuz I could really go for a lucrative book deal, and maybe a movie on Lifetime or something.
And the real question. Who would I get to play me -- Kirsten Dunst or Reese Witherspoon...?
Comments
I kinda thought that's what happened.
Good luck. Much, much good luck.
Several years ago I came closer than I wanted to to becoming a stepparent to kids far too close to my own age for comfort. I'm glad I didn't.
Posted by: violachic at August 17, 2005 11:57 AM
Reese, of course. And OMG THEY FOUND IT?
If you get divorced, you can live with me and be my wenchie. I'll take good care of you, I promise.
Posted by: Queen of Ass at August 17, 2005 12:09 PM
If you are being played by Reese Witherspoon, then I am being played by Kate Winslet.
Posted by: Anne at August 17, 2005 02:20 PM
And I'll be Elizabeth Hurley - but in her Estee Lauder heyday - not her trashy baby mama stage
Posted by: qfe23 at August 17, 2005 03:38 PM
what are the chances you could get Angelina Jolie to play your hot webmaster friend who lives in her mother's house?
Posted by: heather at August 17, 2005 04:07 PM
Oh dear. Oh deary deary dear. I was afraid that was what had happened. How badly did the shit hit the fan?
I'll miss your stepmom journal. It was one of the highlights of my friends list. I think you should keep doing it, no matter what the ungrateful little tw... teens think about it.
If all else fails, kill 'em all and go live with Uncle Twitchy.
Posted by: Mickey at August 17, 2005 04:45 PM
Of the two, I'd go with Reese. Although if Kirsten played you, you'd be pretty much guranteed to have a scene where you are dripping wet in a tight dress or something. So I could go that route as well.
And the popular choice to play me would be Kiefer Sutherland (although I don't see it.)
Posted by: Marty at August 17, 2005 07:52 PM
I'm trying to think who could be me in a cameo -- and I keep going back to Weird Al, twenty years ago, but with a van dyke. Sad.
Marty, do you remember the time 15 years ago when you, Tommy and I were in that oldies bar and that girl thought he and I were Pee Wee Herman and Weird Al, respectively?
Just... sad.
Posted by: Uncle Twitchy at August 18, 2005 07:50 AM
Oh, that totally sucks and I feel your pain. I just shut down my blog (of course, started a new one) because of something very similar. Found out my BF's family was reading and not approving.
And I think you can't wrong with Reece.
Posted by: Nora at August 18, 2005 08:38 AM
. . . I would have to be Kathy Najimy, just as she was in "Sister Act", because we all know that's totally me.
Posted by: Lola, not wanting to be left out at August 18, 2005 09:02 AM
(hang in there)
Posted by: Lola at August 18, 2005 09:03 AM
I wuv you, Wenchie!
Posted by: Queen of Ass at August 18, 2005 02:37 PM
I, too, will miss your stepmom journal. Fortunately, you still have this delightful blog.
Posted by: Homidus Corax Celticus at August 18, 2005 04:07 PM
Ooh! Ooh! Do I get a cameo, too? ;)
Oh, wait. My character's not that interesting and doesn't really feature in this saga, other than the Tween's-Mom-Taking-Notes... Hrmmm.
Well, lots of love and chocolate anyway. And the invite to come visit if you need to leave the State- still stands. :D
Posted by: Celtic Elff at August 24, 2005 12:07 PM