August 13, 2005
Molly for a Moustache
My father is Norwegian. 100%. This means he is a lot of things. He is tall. He is blond. He is sturdy. He can withstand cold water that would kill a dolphin. He can eat creamed herring without gagging. But he cannot grow a beard.
I mean, dude can hardly grow a chest hair, let alone a full beard. And yet, he tries. Every year on vacation, he stops shaving. And it's so, so sad. He looks like he has the mange.
This year, he took it too far. It was two weeks after he and Mom returned from vacation, and the "beard" and "moustache" (yes, facial hair that lame must be put in quotes) were still there. I was horrified. I mean, that plus the way he dresses -- he looked utterly homeless. I was expecting him to pull out a bible and a megaphone at any moment.
He finally gave up the "beard," praise be to God, be he clung stubbornly to the "moustache." And he grew it down the side of his mouth, too, so it looked like some weird fu-man-choo wanna-be. Ugh.
"Hey, Dad, are you auditioning for the next season of Deadwood?"
We tried EVERYTHING to get him to shave the thing. Every bribe we could think of, which isn't easy, cuz the man already has everything. In his basement. So then we tried the Peer Pressure tactic and had everyone we know tell him how awful it looks.
Mom was growing desparate. She hates facial hair. She also doesn't like dog hair. Or dog drool. Or dog smell. But Dad does. Dad LOOOOOOOOOOVES dogs. He wants one really bad. And fankly, I'd like Mom to have a dog, too, because Dad goes on business trips a lot. And frankly, even when he's there, he's not quite... well,... there.
So Mom pulled out the big guns. She told Dad, "If you shave off your moustache, we can get a dog."
His barber gladly did it for FREE.
Introducing... MOLLY!
They went to the Chicago Anti-Cruelty Society on Friday and came home with this little sweetheart. And I do mean sweetheart! What a serene and loving disposition! How could anyone give up this dog?!
She's a year old and still has some serious growing to do, judging by the size of her feet and how slender she is. Mom and Dad were told she's a German Shepherd mix, and if I had to guess what she's mixed with, I'd definately say Boxer.
Billi went with to choose the dog and brought Boy Child and Girl Child. When they got Molly out of her cage, the first thing Boy Child did was throw himself on her and shove his head in her mouth. Don't be alarmed; this is perfectly normal behavior for Boy Child. And Molly didn't bat an eye. So clearly, she was the right dog. She passed The Boy Child Litmus Test.
Are her ears not the cutest?!
Comments
Awww... what a cutie!
I sympathize about the sporadic Nordic facial hair thing. Lars can grow a mustache and goatee pretty nicely, but a full beard is out fo the question.
Posted by: Mickey at August 14, 2005 04:07 AM
Judging by the neck, she may have a little giraffe mixed in.
Posted by: Wingnut at August 14, 2005 07:56 PM
omg. SUCH a cute doggie!
Posted by: heather at August 15, 2005 08:53 AM
Hm. Those look like Lab ears to me.
Posted by: AB at August 15, 2005 12:15 PM
Awwww! Why can't Molly be MY dog?
Posted by: Queen of Ass at August 15, 2005 01:06 PM
Hey wenchie... since you are obviously an expert on the subject of Norwegians... what are the racial slurs for Norwegians? The only ones I know of are "squarehead" and "snow monkey." I'm writing a story and could use one or two more. If there are any.
Maybe that's a slur in itself: they're just so darn nice and okeydoke nobody needs to insult 'em!
(And having once observed your head in public, I can attest to the complete lack of right angles or parallel lines, although I can't vouch for what's inside. But your thinking seems too curvaceous to support much squareness.)
Posted by: subtropic at August 21, 2005 11:05 AM
I guess if I had ever read this post of yours, I would have known Molly was a dog, not a child.
Bad Max! No cookie!
Posted by: Animated Max at August 22, 2005 03:00 PM