August 19, 2005
Pneumonia Is Pnot Phunny
Adding to my intestinal distress lately, Molly has pneumonia. It started off as kennel cough, which reared it's phlegmy head the day after my parents brought her home, and has since turned into a potentially-fatal case of pneumonia.
Excuse me? How is pneumonia even an issue anymore? Didn't that go the way of consumption and ennui and vapors? It's not like Molly was living in a drafty, mildewy castle on a moor!
Yesterday, the vet gave her a mega-bionic-anti-pneumonia shot and told them, "If she doesn't get better, take her back to ACS, and they'll put her down for you."
HORRIFIED!
You don't give up on your new dog, just because she's costing you an average of $100 a day, and you are on your knees every 10 minutes cleaning up puke or mucus from your oriental rugs! I shudder to think what would happen if little Wenchie had taken sick 35 years ago.
"Oh, the new one? Well, she's got an ear infection, and she's not responding to the rum. Clearly, she's defective, so I think we're just gonna take her back to the hospital. And then I think we'll pick up a new kitchen table at IKEA on the way home."
Also, if Molly dies, it will scar Mom, who won't want to get another dog and risk going thru all this again. So I'll be forced to buy a dog and leave it in their yard in the middle of the night. Is that a felony? Leaving something instead of stealing it? I don't think so. I mean, it's anti-stealing, so logically, I should have one of the felonies erased from my record, no?
Luckily, the drugs have perked Molly up a bit, and she was actually walking about and wagging her tail when I visited her last night. I wanted to comfort Molly, and to talk Mom out of returning her, which was easy to do. (Mom's secretly a softie. Shhhhhhh!)
I also wanted to lecture my Dad on the virtues of taking his turn cleaning up the canine bodily fluids once in a while! Do we all understand now why Mom was reluctant to get another dog? It's because Ward Cleaver considers any kind of caretaking to be woman's work. No one will be surprised the day he doesn't wake up, due to the waffle iron imbedded in his skull.
I go, "Dad, you have to help Mom clean up the dog puke! You wanted a dog, too!"
He goes, "Hey! I shaved my moustache!"
Comments
For the record - I regularly suffer from consumption. It's one of my favorite diseases to have when I'm under the weather. And if I already did not delight in your friendship - you know what ennui is!!! BE still my little French lit major heart <3
Posted by: qfe23 at August 19, 2005 01:52 PM
I wish I could get away with skipping bodily fluid detail once in a while. One of the two geriatric cats always leaves a load of stealth vomit in one of three places a) a high traffic area b) a leather sofa c) an antique desk.
Then, there's the fact that one of them has decided that litter boxes are out, and prefers to saturate newspapers, with which we cover about half of "the cat room." This is the same one that has bum kidneys, so once a week we plug her into a bag of cat juice (Ringer's solution - ask for it by name!)
It's pretty damn stupid, really, we load her up with fluid so she can squirt all over the floor.
Cats suck, dogs are a pain in the ass. I'm switching to fish. Cheap to buy, cheap to maintain. Do-it-yourself euthanasia.
Posted by: subtropic at August 21, 2005 10:48 AM
Somehow, I though Molly was a child. And when I read your, "they'll put her down for you" comment, I thought you were being funny.
Posted by: Animated Max at August 22, 2005 02:58 PM