August 25, 2005
They're Coming To Take Me Away, Ha Ha!
I am so freaking stressed-out right now. And I don't mean barking-dog-crying-baby-rush-hour-traffic stressed. I mean about-to-implode-into-a-pile-of-goo kind of stress.
This is not the kind of stress cured by a pedicure or cookie dough or a new gown for Barbie. This is the kind of stress that can only be cured by a heavy, blunt object to my skull.
Why so stressed, you ask? Strap in.
Thursday Stress: First meeting with family counselor.
Friday Stress: Talk to Husband's Ex.
Saturday Stress: Throw party for 30 people.
I've given it much thought, while gasping for breath and holding back the projectile-vomit, and I've decided that I have three options here.
One, I can succumb to the ennui already setting in. What with the not-eating and not-sleeping, I'm pretty much one stiff breeze away from just toppling over anyway. Then Willowby can scoop me up, spirit me home, and prop me up on a chaise lounge in front of the parlor window. I'll wear a shawl, clutched around me with trembling hands, and gaze wistfully out of the window as my life ebbs slowly away.
Two, I can embrace my destiny as a white, middle-class, suburban housewife and become addicted to sleeping pills and Zanax (not just for airplane trips anymore!), and perhaps the occassional glass of wine when no one else is home. Just me and the dog, sitting in the silent kitchen, drinking chablis.
Three, I can just let the insanity take over, Hollywood starlet-style. The police will find me at 3:00 a.m., wandering in someone else's backyard, wearing only my underwear and mascara-raccoon-eyes, and talking to Elvis.
Which should Wenchie choose? Call in and vote now! 1-800-CRAZY-PW
Comments
#2, better living through chemistry . . . but make sure you're always wearing your most interesting underwear, just in case
Posted by: Lola at August 25, 2005 03:50 PM
I vote for option #3, if only for the entertainment value.
Posted by: Queen of Ass at August 25, 2005 04:42 PM
Hey, there I don't have much to offer in the way of a vote, but I will say that I sure hope hubbie gets that recent events should be taken as an eye opener for him that he has been leaving you hanging out to dry way too much vis the family and kids. I hope you guys can get through this and maybe even come out with something better and more realistic.
Posted by: Stuart Moulder at August 25, 2005 05:15 PM
Kill 'em all and go live with... you know the rest! :D
Posted by: A-nonny-moose at August 25, 2005 07:22 PM
I have the pure-awesomest friends. You guys are the best.
Now I'm all ferklempt, dammit.
Posted by: Pirate Wench at August 25, 2005 08:25 PM
I GOTTA agree with Stuart on all of what he said, Wenchie. SERIOUSLY AGREE!
Posted by: Queen of Ass at August 25, 2005 08:36 PM
I'm all for option #3. I mean, if you're gonna go crazy, do it with style. And if your eyes are as small as I seem to recall you claiming, then raccoon mascara will do you a world of good! ;) Besides... Wenchie in her underwear? What red-blooded human being wouldn't vote for that?
Posted by: Mickey at August 26, 2005 02:11 AM
Hands down #3 - only if you're wearing a peach peignoir over a black bra of course and clutching the bottle of Chablis from #2
Posted by: qfe23 at August 26, 2005 08:32 AM
Since this is voting day, I'll vote for #3. It's so in now. In addition, I'd like to add that you and hubby have both been through a lot and I sincerely hope everything works out. You two look very good on each other's arms and I hope it stays that way. I love you both.
Posted by: BigSister at August 26, 2005 11:26 AM
I vote for #3 ... you're the best Drama Queen. : )
You and I talked last night so you know I support you and hubby in working on yourselves. Listen to what Ex has to say on her experiences with hubby , his work, & whatever and know you aren't like the Ex and hubby is in a new environment with a great Wench. Love, time and patience ... give that to yourself and hubby. OK, now that I've been all "new-agey" let's all have a group hug and grab a cold one!
Hugs, SB
Posted by: SnippyBitch at August 26, 2005 05:53 PM
My place is a complete mess right now. If you kill 'em all, give me a head's up so I can do some cleaning.
Posted by: Uncle Twitchy at August 29, 2005 06:47 PM
Where, oh where is Wenchie????
Posted by: Queen of Ass at August 30, 2005 10:02 PM
My backyard is very nice, and I won't call the cops.
But I will take photos for blog purposes.
Posted by: Fresh at August 31, 2005 05:31 AM