September 06, 2005

I Play Bottles

We had an all-employee meeting today, and I'm terrified that, if I pay too much attention during these State of the Union speeches by our company's V.P., I might accidentally learn something about insurance. That is one thing I just could not abide, so I used the time to handwrite lots of blog material about my trip to Chippewa Falls, Wisconsin, over the weekend. Then I realized -- hmmm, I should probably explain why I was in Chippewa Falls over the weekend. It was a working vacation of sorts.

My family is part of a musical-comedy group, I think I've mentioned before. We play bottles. No, really. Our director arranges pre-existing songs -- anything from Bach to the blues -- and we blow, hit and pluck bottles to make the music. My expertise is the bottlephone, which is like a xylophone, but with bottles. Hence the name. I also sing occassionally, play cymbals, kazoo, whatever.

The bottlephone bottles are wine bottles, whiskey bottles, champagne bottles -- yeah, 99% of our bottles are liquor bottles. It just worked out that way. You gotta have a lot of picnics to empty a ketchup bottle, but only one to empty a bottle of gin!

For blowing bass notes, we use green glass Yago Sangria jugs, which were plentiful when the band started over 25 years ago. But they have since gone out of production, so if anyone has some in their basement or something, I will totally pay you to send them to me!!!

The rest of the bottles we blow -- the bottles we use the most of -- are Leinenkugel's. Out of the hundreds or bottles we emptied and tried, the Leinies produce the best sound most consistently. I couldn't make this stuff up, folks.

And, as retarded as it all sounds, we're pretty damn good. We've been on several radio and t.v. shows, including The Late Show with David Letterman -- TWICE. Plus hundreds of shows for various occassions, including weddings and the annual gathering of bishops from the Evangelical Lutheran Church of America.

All the money we make goes to various charities. In 25 years, I think it's safe to guess-timate that we've donated over $50,000, including a recent $5,000 donation to the victims of Katrina. I don't say this to brag, but just so that you know how rewarding it is. I get to perform, have fun, hang with friends, bask in applause and adoration, and help lots of people through donations and benefits. I am ridiculously lucky.

Being a part of this group has also afforded me opportunities to experience many things I wouldn't have otherwise. I played on the same stage that The Beatles performed on! I'll never get over that.

Anyhoo, since we empty a great deal of Leinenkugel bottles -- and we don't exactly keep that fact quiet -- we thought it would be a no-brainer for us to go perform in the Leinie Lodge. And after years of sending them tapes and letters, we finally got an invitation to go play in their gift shop. (Apparently, they have higher standards than Letterman. Go figure.)

Now, when I hear the words "gift shop," I picture a couple cramped aisles of snowglobes and collector plates in an 8" x 8" area. But the Leinie gift shop has two fireplaces, a dozen leather couches, and a BAR. Plus, more square footage than my house.

We had two 45-minute shows on Sunday, 1:00 and 2:15 p.m. But really, the shows are just a minor detail of the trip, and I'll tell you all about it over the next few days. If you still respect me enough to come back, that is.

Posted on September 6, 2005 12:35 PM

Comments

Posted by: Snippy Bitch at September 6, 2005 01:30 PM

Posted by: Celtic Elff at September 6, 2005 07:10 PM

Posted by: BettySueLou at September 6, 2005 08:10 PM

Posted by: Queen of Ass at September 6, 2005 09:52 PM

Posted by: Snippy Bitch at September 7, 2005 09:59 AM

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