October 25, 2005
Break-Up Note
Dear Automatic Flushing Toilet,
Our time together has been fun, but I'm afraid I can't take it anymore. The disappointment, the coldness. You're always in a hurry to get things over with.
At first, I was charmed by you. How novel! I thought. Now when people stand on the seat and pee down their own leg in an effort to stay completely sanitary, they don't have to flush the toilet with their feet and spread their nasty filth to my hands when I flush!
Truly, you were a dream come true, and I envisioned a happy relationship for years to come. You, me and my pristine hands. We'd have a passionate, clandestine kind of love, with fleeting visits in little out-of-the-way places. It all sounded so perfect!
But you turned on me, Automatic Flushing Toilet. You did. You started making assumptions. You thought you knew me. And that's when it all started to go wrong.
How could you? How could you routinely flush prematurely like that? You knew I wasn't done. I'm sure you think that all that cold water on my butt and thighs is cute and funny, but it isn't. It's just annoying.
You don't know me. You don't know what I need, what I want. How dare you presume to know when I'm done? You rude, impatient bastard. We're through.
I want my CDs back.
Pirate Wench
Comments
You mean you were seeing him too??? I thought I was the only one!
Posted by: Queen of Ass at October 25, 2005 02:28 PM