November 18, 2005
A Week of MTPB
Music To Pee Bydedicated to Nicholle
who coined the phrase
Monday, 10:32 a.m.
Favorite Things - Rogers & Hammerstein
I have no problem with this song, but what do you do when someone's in the bathroom and you really have to take a dump, and you know it's gonna be bad cuz you nearly died from your own farts? Do warn them? Do you painfully squeeze your buttcheeks together until they leave? Do you just go for it and figure, Hey, that's what we're here for?
Monday, 4:11 p.m.
Music of the Night - Andrew Lloyd Weber
Dear Christ, does anyone need to hear this EVER AGAIN?
Tuesday, 9:43 a.m.
From a Distance - Bette Midler
Now, I love Bette, I do, but what I want from Bette is tulle and tits and sequins and naughty banter. I don't want a message from God, and I sure don't want to be reminded that He's watching me... while I launch a sea-pickle.
Tuesday, 3:51 p.m.
Send in the Clowns - *sigh*
I wish I were making this up. I really do.
Wednesday, 10:19 a.m.
Cannon in D - Pachabel
Hasn't this song been played at enough weddings that it doesn't need to be played anywhere else, ever?
Wednesday, 11:35 a.m.
Tears in Heaven - Eric Clapton
I cry every damn time I hear this song. Without fail. And you know, if you're crying alone in a bathroom stall at work, it's really time to re-evaluate your life.
Wednesday, 1:36 a.m.
Lara's Theme - Some Russian Guy
My deepest regret is the eighteen hours of my life that I wasted watching this three-hour movie.
Thursday, 10:07 a.m.
The Music Box Dancer - Some Sick, Unimaginative Bastard
I took piano lessons for ten years when I was younger. My Mom made me learn this and play it over and over and over and over and over and over...
Thursday, 12:05 p.m.
Wind Beneath My Wings - Bette Midler
Every time I hear this song, I die a little bit inside. I came home from work once to find my first husband sitting alone, in the dark, watching Beaches and crying. When I stopped laughing, I told him to "Get a fucking job!"
Thursday, 3:04 p.m.
Witchcraft - Frank Sinatra
This song always makes me think of when Bart Simpson was working for the Springfield mob, and he walks into the kitchen singing this song and tells Marge to, "Gimme three fingers of milk."
Friday, 10:07 a.m.
Memory - Andrew Lloyd Weber
Oh, God, seriously?
Friday, 12:29 p.m.
Blue Velvet - ...I have no idea
All I can hear is Dennis Hopper screaming, "Mommyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy!"
[If this list seems short, it's because some of the music was unidentifiable by me, not because I've stopped peeing every 20 minutes.]
Comments
suddenly, I'm very very glad that we don't have any music, whatsoever, in my office.
very, very glad.
Posted by: heather at November 18, 2005 02:04 PM
Um. Peeing every 20 minutes? You mean you're pregnant?
Posted by: Queen of Ass at November 18, 2005 10:44 PM
Nope. Hamster Bladder. (I'm back! Miss me?)
Posted by: Marty at November 19, 2005 11:00 PM
I was peeing after I read this, and "Don't Go Chasin Waterfalls" was playing in the restroom. It was somehow appropriate. And it made me laugh because I thought of your post.
By the way, I've been obsessively reading your blog (and some of the blogs you link) for quite awhile now. Hilarious, and very well written.
Posted by: VirginWhoCantDrive at November 20, 2005 04:52 AM
I know you're a professional writer and all...
Is buttcheeks really one word?
Posted by: Matt at November 21, 2005 11:16 PM
There is no way you made it thru a whole day without hearing Bridge Over Troubled Water
Posted by: qfe23 at November 22, 2005 05:59 PM