November 04, 2005
Here Comes... The Bride!
Now that the All About Wenchie birthday week is over, I have to put up with A YEAR of All About Heather. Why? She done gone and got herself engaged.
There'll be no living with her now.
I now need a new name by which to mock her, and since Bridezilla is already taken (by that heinous t.v. show that encourages young women to act like monsters to that the rest of us can watch smugly and say to the men in our lives, "Well, at least I'm not that bitchy."), I'm considering the following:
1. Bride Kong
2. Frankenbride
3. Bride-ula
4. Bride of the Black Lagoon
5. Bride of the Opera
6. The Invisible Bride
7. Bride of Bride
8. Attack of the 50 Foot Bride
9. Jurassic Bride
10. The Bride!
Well, you get the picture.
She's getting hitched in Vegas, and I am crossing my fingers for the Elvis Chapel! Because, for one, it would make a GREAT blog entry, and two, I'd get to wear jeans.
The other option I'm rooting for is having the service on some Spanish gallion or something, because then I can dress like a pirate. And rape the bride.
Initially, I think I was in the running for Bridesmaid, and lemme just tell you -- I would only do it if I got to wear lime-green chiffon with a matching floppy hat and a big taffeta bow on my ass!
But I think I dodged that bullet and Heather's Brother is going to do it. Which is fine because he looks much better in hats than I do.
Okay, gotta go -- have to see how many times I can say, "Oh, you'd look gorgeous in that gown!" and still sound awe-struck and sincere.
Comments
let me take these in order, shall we?
1. Bride Kong
---- when I see the word "kong" I think of this (http://www.kongcompany.com/worlds_best.asp)would Bride Kong be a big rubber ball filled with girly treats, like diamonds and chocolate and pictures of girlfriends unflatteringly dressed alike?
2. Frankenbride
---- as in "married to Al Franken" - mord would HATE that....
3. Bride-ula
---- my sister's nickname, a combo of her first name and her husband's last name, is "jen-dula" bride-ula, therefore, would more accurately be my sister, rather than myself....
4. Bride of the Black Lagoon
----which would make Mord the Black Lagoon? but he's not black! (not that you'd know this, from the size of the anaconda in his . . . oops! too much information! sorry internets!)
5. Bride of the Opera
----while hilarious, I don't know what this means. are my facial scars that horribly disfiguring? am I haunting his nether regions?
6. The Invisible Bride
----trust me, honey, I'll be ANYTHING but invisible, even in Las Vegas....
7. Bride of Bride
----now this is just Wenchie dreaming, folks. (grin)
8. Attack of the 50 Foot Bride
----are you saying I look fat in this dress?
9. Jurassic Bride
----I'm not THAT much older than my fiancee!!
10. The Bride!
---here she comes!
Posted by: heather at November 4, 2005 11:20 AM
I have to go to FOUR out of town weddings in November.
That's the bad news. And I'm so sick of weddings.
The good news is, all of my friends will be married as of the end of November.
But I have to go to my first baby shower tomorrow. The next stage has begun.
Posted by: teahouseblossom at November 4, 2005 11:44 AM
So *ahem*. There will be pictures....?
Posted by: Queen of Ass at November 4, 2005 04:32 PM
Whenever one of my friends gets engaged, I pray that I'll die before the wedding.
Posted by: Fresh? at November 4, 2005 06:46 PM