December 14, 2005
The Most Profane Man Husband Has Ever Met, a.k.a. My New BFF
Black Suede Paolo Come-Fuck-Me Shoes $85
1 Pair Victoria's Secret Black Thigh-Hi Stockings $14
Black Floor-Length Velvet skirt $100
Black Velvet Tank Top $38
Black Lace Pirate Shirt $48
Seeing Husband's jaw drop and land on his instantaneous erection:
PRICELESS
And wouldn't you know? What with the open bar and trays of food, I forgot to have someone take a photo of me, so you're gonna have to settle for more of my crappy self-photography.
Here's the top:
And here's the very bottom:
Then just imagine a long, velvet skirt in between, and you get the idea. And I know I looked good because I was getting checked out left and right by hot, young white-collar professionals! Dudes, I barely even made it to the bar before one of 'em started hitting on me.
He's all, "Oh, I forgot was I was going to order, I got so distracted by you!"
So Husband whips it out, pees on me and says, "John, have you met my wife, Wenchie?"
And John's all, "Wife? I'm sorry -- I thought she was your daughter!"
BWAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA!
So we didn't stay and talk to John. Instead, Husband introduced me to Bob -- and I quote, "The most profane man I know." So naturally, he's absolutely my New Favorite Person, and we're BFFs and gonna try out for cheerleading together and if one of us doesn't make it then the other one won't be in it because that's how much we <3 each other.
He won my heart when he looked at the string group hired to play at the party and said, "Look, it's everyone who didn't make the football team."
Bob and Husband apparently have lunch together about twice a month, and Bob told Husband that he has to bring me to lunch sometime. So at least I managed to impress The Most Profane Man Ever. That's good Arm Candy, right?
Know what else I did? Drove down to the Loop MYSELF. Parked in an underground parking garage MYSELF. And walked to the correct building MYSELF. Rainman says I'm almost ready to drive to the K-Mart myself!
Once I left the party and got back in the car AND TOOK MY SHOES OFF, the first thing I did was call Heather. I'm like, "You'll be so proud of me! I didn't fall or anything!"
Also? I now understand that concept that is exclusively female -- suffering for beauty, which made Heather doubly proud. I feel like I'm finally a real woman. Are you there, God? It's me, Wenchie.
Comments
ok, first off, I'm also terribly proud that she drove and parked DOWNTOWN - that's my gal!
also? I'm beaming with pride. because, seriously, you ROCKED those shoes, and I saw them when you were wearing JEANS. I can only IMAGINE what the ensemble looked like with your new awesome $exy high-heel butt.
seriously people. I am so proud I could just burst.
Posted by: heather at December 14, 2005 03:00 PM
Those are fuck-me shoes? I've never seen them in a porno or on a stripper.
Posted by: Fresh at December 14, 2005 07:18 PM
Damn... I can see why this generated an insta-boner in the Husband! You rock like a rockin' thing! And, once again, I just have to compliment you on your rack. That's one rockin' rack.
Posted by: Mickey at December 15, 2005 04:33 AM
Hot.
Posted by: Uncle Twitchy at December 15, 2005 05:37 AM
Could you please wear the outfit to the show? You don't have to wear the OUCH! shoes....just wear your tennies.
Posted by: matt at December 15, 2005 10:26 AM
I have a pair of shoes just like that--so this is why all the young men at the mall tried to hump my leg!
Posted by: Michele at December 16, 2005 01:34 PM