December 09, 2005
PANTIES Is the New VAGINA
As some of you may have heard on the news, the midwest got some snow yesterday.
Who am I kidding? Of course, you heard! SNOW IN THE MIDWEST! SEVERAL INCHES! I'm sure they heard about it in Bahrain, for Pete's sake! Notify the National Guard! We're gonna need tents and bottled water over here!
When did we get so pathetic that snow in the midwest became something to freak out about? When did a little slush become a reason to do 10 miles an hour on a straight-away? When did we start thinking that weather is something that only happens to other people???
It's December! In Chicago! There's going to be snow, people! What are we -- Floridians?!
Yes, it was the first real snowfall of the season. Yes, it happened just in time for the evening commute. Yes, there were actually several inches of accumulation. And yes, -- hold onto your panties -- THAT'S NORMAL.
It usually takes me 20-30 minutes to drive home from work. Last night, it took me an hour and 45 minutes. Because the fucktard at the front of the line lived in the Congo all his life and had never seen snow before yesterday.
I spent an hour and 45 minutes in the car with an insane, old Sicilian woman I work with. Because she's too scared to drive in the snow. And you know what? THAT'S TOTALLY AWESOME! I applaud her! If you can't handle the amount of snowfall we got yesterday, PLEASE CARPOOL UNTIL MAY!
Thank God the old lady had cookies in her purse, or we might have starved to death.
Nicholle really had the right idea. She tried waiting the storm out at work while surfing the internet, until about 7:00, when she decided, "I'm just not dealing with this shit." She checked into a hotel, went shopping across the street, bought a new sweater, washed her undies in the sink, and had a breakfast of: scrambled eggs, biscuits and gravy, lemon poppyseed muffin, and juice. Then she drove about 15 yards to work this morning.
Let's see. Slightly damp panties vs. stuck in a car with a crazy Sicilian for almost two hours. Yeah, Nicholle definately made the better choice.
Now she's gonna kick my ass for writing about her panties. Hee! I just like saying panties!
Comments
I find it difficult to believe that driving around with a crazy sicilian wouldn't dampen your panties....
Posted by: heather at December 9, 2005 01:49 PM
I agree with Heather. Especially after she even gave you a meal...
Posted by: Queen of Ass at December 10, 2005 12:03 AM
Please start with the panties next time and end with the weather so I can just tune out after the good part.
Posted by: Fresh at December 11, 2005 10:50 AM
Pls Pls Pls....can I use the word 'fucktard' too?!
Posted by: Matt at December 14, 2005 08:04 AM
Of COURSE you can use "fucktard"! I didn't invent it, and I don't know who did, but it certainly doesn't get the kind of usage it deserves! Go forth and fucktard!
Posted by: Wenchie at December 14, 2005 12:56 PM