December 21, 2005
I Heart Wayne Smith
Okay, one more thing about 750 South State, and then I'll shut up, I promise. Unless I can get Matt to write a guest-blog about the catfight. Then that will be the last thing, for reals. Until their next gig. Oh, suck it up.
Last night, I got this email from Wayne Smith, keyboardist:
Thank you so much for your review, its always nice to hear someone likes our music. I am Wayne the keyboardist hiding behind the big speaker/wall, wedged next to Brian and the drummer. I do remember seeing you there, but I didnt know you were a pro reviewer/reporter or I could have done something impressive. I hope I wasnt rude to you, if I was I'm sorry. Thanks for coming out and the glowing review. WayneWayne Smith
Firefighter, Paramedic
city of Elgin fire dept
Red shift
h-123-555-9099
Oh, sweet, naive Wayne. Let's break it down, shall we?
"I didnt know you were a pro reviewer/reporter" OMG, how cute is that?! He thinks I'm a pro! Poor thing is going to be so disappointed when he finds out I'm just some bitchy loser with a $12/mo. domain name and a vocabulary that consists primarily of "totally," "VAGINA" and "Well..."
"I hope I wasnt rude to you, if I was I'm sorry." I love this little pre-emptive apology. I have to wonder -- why would he think he was rude to me? Is he normally rude to everyone? Does he hate reporters? Was he off his meds? Did he have a blackout and is freaking out cuz he can't remember what he did but he knows it must've been rude cuz there's still the red outline of a hand across his face?
"h-123-555-9099" And then? He gives me his home phone number. Oh, the fun I could have with this if I weren't totally married and monogamous and faithful and Hi, Honey! Love you! I mean, does this not just scream Open Invitation To Stalk Me?
As soon as this cold snap is over, I'll be riding my bike past the Elgin Fire Dept. twenty times a day.
Comments
hee. the best part is? you will TOTALLY ride your bike past the fire dept in the spring.
the bike will, of course, have a banana seat and streamers on the handlebars.
Posted by: heather at December 21, 2005 02:21 PM
That post was, well... totally vagina.
Posted by: Uncle Twitchy at December 21, 2005 06:54 PM
Hee! What a cutie-patudie!
Posted by: Queen of Ass at December 21, 2005 11:03 PM
So its been awhile since we last spoke. Did you ever see the Chris Issak show? The one where he had the stalker that was hanging out across the street from his house and even baked him bread. Then one day she disappeared and he got very concerned and sent out a search party to look for her? It turns out she was getting back to her life and visiting her sister. I am sure that after all that stalking you must be beat and also getting back to your life. I think its awesome to have my name on the first page of your blog still. It may only be a stepping stone but somehow I cant help but feel that we have arrived in the music industry. to answer some of your questions. No I don't usually say rude things, but in the life of a big rock star sometimes we forget the little people. And I am trying so hard not to become that person. And no that's not my home number, or is it? perhaps its the number to my agent and I perhaps get paid per phone call and like to spread it around in hopes that perhaps some unsuspecting soul will accidently call and my per diem will skyrocket and I can finally buy a round at the next gig. but that's crazy......or is it?...... Where was I? Oh yes I remember, the last point was about riding your bike past the station 20 times a day. Did you know we have 6 stations in town and we have 3 shifts so if you ride your bike by any given station on any given day you only have a 5.5555555555556% chance of catching me there which doesn't even take into account vacation days, Kelly days and sick time which boggles the mind. You might want to rethink your plan and spend all day driving by 6 stations so that in 3 days you could cover 100% of the shifts and stations. There is still a chance that I could be on a call or training or shopping or doing something very important, but I guess that's the chance you'll have to take. I don't know which is harder, the life of a rockstar or the life of a stalker? Well good luck to you and if I can be of assistance to you in your stalking endeavor let me know...
Wayne Smith
Posted by: the stalkee at December 24, 2005 02:18 PM