December 08, 2005
Call Me "Princess Kissyfur"
So we all know that I think Christmas letters are totally gay, and we all know why, as I covered that last year. Yet, because I went and set precedent, I was obligated to write another one this year. Now, I always try to test the limits and try new things in my writing, and I was desparately searching for that little extra-special-something that would set my Christmas letter apart from all the rest. Thank Baby Jesus, my muse Heather came up with it.
"Write it from Daisy's point of view!"
Ah, leave it to Heather to take an already gay idea to the next level of gayness. Once, writing from a pet's perspective was the sole territory of cat owners, like Queen Kissyfur. But I have ventured there, my friends, and broken down the barriers on behalf of all the canine-inclined (and canine-curious). I have traveled to the other side... to bring you this:
To my two-legged and four-legged Family & Friends,I just love this time of year! So many good smells in the house – cookies and visitors! Well, I’m another year older – three and a half – but I refuse to stop acting like a puppy! This year has been so much fun, with all the swimming in Door County over the summer. My other favorite place to be is Grandma & Granddad H.'s 20-acre farm. I run around like a crazy dog until my human cousins get too tired, and then I go inside to get spoiled by Grandma and Granddad. Thank goodness they're dog people! Now, on to the people I live with.
Having merged his company last year, Dad has been busy whipping this new, larger company into shape. I do believe he has used an actual whip on more than one occasion, but it's nice to see him doling out the injuries instead of receiving them. We're proud to announce that 2005 has been completely Emergency Room Free for Dad! He even managed to avoid injury while helping the men of the family re-roof the Door County log cabin! He has also resurrected his singing career and is adding his much-needed tenor voice to the Chorale for their Christmas concert.
Mom is in the Chorale, too, and it's nice they have something they can do together, especially now that Dad has some competition for her heart (other than me). Mom is madly in love with her very own, oh-so-cool personal computer. Besides it being much easier to put photos of me on her blog now, Mom has also started a sort of hobby-business, selling things on eBay for friends and family (for a small percentage, of course). In fact, it's been so lucrative that she was able to purchase her most vintage Barbie yet -- a 1963 #5 Brunette Ponytail!
Urban college life seems to really agree with Ophelia. As a mere freshman, she made First Chair French Horn in the orchestra! Some of the upper classmen got their noses bent out of shape about it, but they were quickly won over by her talent and charm! In her free time (ha ha), Ophelia is still working two jobs – at [clothing store], and as hostess at [local] Restaurant. And she still manages to have lunch downtown with Dad several times a month.
Case has picked up yet another instrument -- guitar -- and is in a band with some of her friends. They somehow find time to practice when Case isn't scoring ALL the goals for her soccer team, or working at the dentist's office, or marching with the band at football games. She even got to go downstate with the marching band when [high school]'s football team made state finals! They didn't win, but that's not the band's fault.
Plans for 2006 include Mom and Dad’s trip to Disney World with Mom’s family, a new car for Dad, some vacation time with the girls, and more swimming and relaxing up north. And no emergency rooms! Be good to yourselves in 2006!
Consider yourself greeted in a festive and holiday way.
(Thank God this only happens once a year. It takes nearly that long for me to feel clean again.)
Comments
Yep, you were right. That is all kinds of new levels of gayness for you. Congratulations.
Posted by: Marty at December 8, 2005 11:59 AM
Great! Now write one for me! I suck at that stuff.
Posted by: Queen of Ass at December 9, 2005 08:55 AM
Queenie, I think the whole point of this post is that I suck at it, too! Everyone does!
Posted by: Wenchie at December 9, 2005 10:09 AM
For what it is worth, my parents's dog and horse trade off writing news letters throughout the year. Particularly, Timer (the horse) really enjoys writing about trail rides. Pepper is much more diverse in her writing.On a completely unrelated note, you need this.
http://www.gizmodo.com/gadgets/peripherals/storage/barbie-usb-drive-102600.php
Posted by: Codrus at December 9, 2005 12:44 PM
oh honey, no one sucks at it like you do.
it's why we love you so.
Posted by: Jack Daniels at December 9, 2005 01:11 PM