January 10, 2006
Today's Post Is Brought to You By the Letter V
Remember that song on Sesame Street?
One of these things is not like the others
One of these things just doesn't belong
And then they'd show us four things -- like, a loaf of bread, a gallon of milk, a stick of butter, and an El Camino -- and we had to guess which one didn't belong in the group?
Well, they'd never get away with that shit nowadays, because Elmo wouldn't want to hurt the El Camino's feelings, and sure, Mr. El Camino, you can be a jar of peanut butter if you want!
What. Evah.
Anyhoo, today we're going to play the game One of These Things Is Not Like the Others! (Great. Now I'm gonna have that damn song stuck in my head for the rest of the day.)
Remember, I was telling you about the spreadsheets I made for Heather, of the various Vegas chapel wedding packages she could choose from? Well, each hotel names their packages (much like men), and they all have themes and whatnot, and it's all very over-the-top and silly.
So, I will name all the packages for a specific hotel, and you will have to guess which one I think doesn't fit in and should be mocked and ridiculed for being different! Ready? Let's begin!
Wedding Chapel at Aladdin
1. A Moment Like This
2. I Do
3. Unforgettable
4. From This Moment On
5. Because You Loved Me
6. This I Promise You
7. Magic Carpet Ride
8. Together Forever
Now, correct me if I'm wrong (and I know you will), but I believe these are all song titles. And the one that doesn't belong is...?
7. Magic Carpet Ride
I'm sorry, this is romantic... how? Why not Endless Love? Vision of Love? Love Shack? Why not just call it Highway to Hell, for Pete's sake! Seriously -- Magic Carpet Ride? Is this a civil ceremony for lesbians only? Because that's the only rational explanation I can come up with.
Chapels at Caesar's Palace
1. Simplicita
2. Passione
3. Simchah
4. Amore
5. La Dolce Vita
I'm no linguistics expert, but one of these is not immediately recognizable as Italian. Can you guess which one?
3. Simchah
And further investigation tells us... ah, yes. "Package includes a Chuppah, Kiddish cup and Rabbi services." Well, that explains it. Heather will probably pick this one; she's a total Jewannabe.
Island Wedding Chapel at the Tropicana
1. Gardenia
2. Jasmine
3. Stargazer
4. Orchid
5. Bird of Paradise
I think all of these are flowers, but...
3. Stargazer
Can I get a ruling on this one? And if it is a flower, I think they should use the name of a flower that normal people have actually heard of before. Like Lily of the Valley, or Lilac. Those are totally my favorites!
The Forever Grand Wedding Chapel at the MGM Grand
1. Classic Elegance
2. Forever Yours
3. Always and Forever
4. Everlasting Love
5. Practice Makes Perfect
6. Conference Center
I bet you think I'm going to say "Conference Center," don't you? Well, I'm not, Mr. Smartyboots! Conference Center is merely boring, whereas the real answer is downright insulting!
5. Practice Makes Perfect
What the--? Who are they to judge? That's pretty goddamn nervy, if you ask me! What do they care if it's my second or third or fifth marriage, as long as my credit card clears! I wanna go there and be like, "Yeah, I'd like your Practice Makes Perfect package, please? And do you have a punch card or something? Cuz if I can find me a 25 year old, I'll be coming back."
The Chapel at Luxor
1. Diamonds of the Nile
2. Emeralds of the Queen
3. Sapphires of the East
4. Lady of the Rubies
I'll give you a hint: You have to be at least as anal-retentive as I am for this to bother you. Give up?
4. Lady of the Rubies
Don't they even comprehend their own pattern?! Jewel of the Noun, Jewel of the Noun! Then BAM! Noun of the Jewel! Why would they do something like that?! Such flagrant disregard for their own system is incomprehensible! Or maybe it's just that I forgot to take my meds this morning...
Sunrise and Sunset Chapels at Mandalay Bay
1. Platinum Skies
2. Opal Shores
3. Crystal Waters
4. Diamond Lights
This one is like the previous one, only even MORE insidious!
4. Diamond Lights
See what I'm saying? Skies, shores, waters -- all conjure up images of a panoramic beach landscape. Lights? What -- like flashlights? Zippo lighters? Tiki torches? WHAT LIGHTS?! Would it have been such a difficult task for them to come up with Diamond Sands? Or Diamond Moonbeams? Or Diamond Drink Umbrellas? ANYTHING!!! Gah!
Coincidentally, Opal Shores was my stage name when I was... um... dancing.
Comments
Okay, officially? There IS a Stargazer Lily, but I don't know why they didn't just CALL IT THAT!
Posted by: Queen of Ass at January 10, 2006 03:09 PM
Stargazer Lily. But lily's - not the Stargazer ones - are often associated with DEATH!
Also... Opals, often associated with DEATH!
But you knew that.
Posted by: Max Hufnagel at January 11, 2006 09:31 PM