January 30, 2006
Church, Strawberry Shortcake & Porn: Yes, I'll Tie It All Together Somehow
When I was in high school, Wednesday nights at church were Youth Night. We'd have after-school open gym, class, then dinner, then choir rehersal. We also had the best Youth Director evah.
(That noise? Oh, I just set-off the Nerd Alert. Don't panic.)
We called her Bunny.
(What? I didn't name her!)
She was The Coolest. She was everything a youth director should be. She was very devout in her faith, which worked out well for us, what with the forgiveness and mercy and all. Especially when caught smoking in the alley. Or making out in the nursery.
(No, those were the other kids -- not me!)
She also knew how to be completely inappropriate. Like she would immitate the pastor during his sermon, or greet you with some perverted nickname.
Husband (who, if you'll remember, is twelve years older than me) was in the adult choir with Bunny at the time. Altho' he had a very Ned Flanders look going on at the time, he was still very cute, and Bunny liked to give him a hard time.
Upon seeing him, she would always greet him by squeezing his man-boobs. Either one-handed or two-handed -- she likes to mix it up. But it was always a beautiful moment that she chose to share only with Husband.
Fast forward to present day, I'm out of high school and of legal age, Husband and I are married, and Bunny switched to a different church.
You know all those Strawberry Shortcake dolls I sold on eBay? Well, after splitting the profits with Joe, I made $146. Seriously. $292 from little, smelly dolls. Blows my mind.
So, I treated myself to a few things, including pirate porn. It's a porno about pirates! How could I not buy it???
Husband and I are about half-way through it. (Yes, Mom, you can borrow it when we're done.) It's actually pretty damn funny, and I'm enjoying the plot. Yes, plot. Not that it's brilliant cinema, but it's quite enjoyable.
There's this one part where the captain of the pirate-hunting ship is introducing himself to a couple of prostitutes. And instead of shaking their hand or whatever, he squeezes their boobs.
And Husband goes, "Hey, that's just like Bunny used to do to me!"
Hokaaaaay. I'm out.
Comments
pure. awesome.
also: I get the pirate porn after mom, ok?
Posted by: heather at January 30, 2006 07:47 PM
Boring crap. Don't you have anything worthwhile to say?
Posted by: psycho babbling brook at January 30, 2006 11:10 PM
You know, I've been thinking of picking that movie up. How was it?
Posted by: Uncle Twitchy at January 31, 2006 06:00 AM
This thread put me in mind of my favorite musical ever! And now, an excerpt from "The Pirates of My Pants", by "Slick Willie" Gilbert and "This is Art?" Sullivan...
So stealthly the pirates creep,
And grab the maidens while the sleep!
Come, lick, them where they pee,
Make some lubrication,
(Aids in penetration!)
Let's vary piracy,
With a little lechery!
Posted by: The Pirate Kink at January 31, 2006 02:46 PM
*Snicker* I was just telling my sister about the movie and this came to mind...
"Gives a whole new meaning to 'Jolly Roger'."
Posted by: Homidus Corax Celticus at February 6, 2006 05:18 PM