February 28, 2006
Adventures In Babysitting the Girl Child
Friday night, we had Boy Child and Girl Child over for a sleepover. 'Cause it's fun, and we're nuts, and they're hilarious. So hilarious, in fact, that I had to write two posts to cover the hilarity. Today it's her turn, tomorrow is his turn.
Girl Child Following in Auntie's Footsteps
Billi called Friday evening to make sure the kids were okay and behaving and ate dinner and all that jazz. Then she had me put Girl Child on the phone, and Girl Child did what Billi always does when she gets on the phone -- went into the other room to get away from those damn, noisy kids.
I forgot about it for a while, figuring she had eventually hung up, and I'd find the phone the next time someone called. I noticed the bathroom door was closed and heard the sound of tinkling. Girl Child had some "mushy poop" issues earlier in the evening, so I knocked just to make sure she was okay.
A minute later, she emerged from the bathroom. Stuffed dog in one hand, phone in the other.
"Here," she said, handing the phone to me. "It's Mommy."
"Girl Child! Were you talking to Mommy while you were on the potty?"
"Yeah."
BWAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA!
Well, Billi and I laughed our asses off at that because we always pee while we're on the phone with each other. In fact, I'm kinda nuts about multi-tasking, so I often pee while on the phone. In fact, if you're reading this and you've talked to me on the phone, I've probably peed, and you didn't even know it.
Except for you, Matt. You're still too new. But your time is coming, mark my word.
When we were done laughing, something occurred to me. Dog in one hand, phone in the other... WHICH HAND DID SHE WIPE WITH?!?!
Girl Child as Theologian
Before bed Friday night, I read to the kids from one of my favorite books, Shel Silverstein's Where the Sidewalk Ends, "Ma and God."
* * * * *
God gave us fingers -- Ma says, "Used your fork."
God gave us voices -- Ma says, "Don't scream."
Ma says eat broccoli, cereal and carrots.
But God gave us tasteys for maple ice cream.
God gave us fingers -- Ma says, "Use your hanky."
God gave us puddles -- Ma says, "Don't splash."
Ma says, "Be quiet, your father is sleeping."
But God gave us garbage can covers to crash.
God gave us fingers -- Ma says, "Put your gloves on."
God gave us raindrops -- Ma says, "Don't get wet."
Ma says be careful, and don't get too near to
Those strange lovely dogs that God gave us to pet.
God gave us fingers -- Ma says, "Go wash 'em."
But God gave us coal bins and nice dirty bodies.
And I ain't too smart, but there's one thing for certain --
Either Ma's wrong or else God is.
* * * * *
Girl Child, who is five, considered this poem for a minute, and then said, "I think they're both right. Because God is the Lord. And Mom is the boss of all kids."
Good answer.
Comments
The only times you and I have spoken on the phone, you were driving. If you were also peeing as well, I'm going to have to seriously reconsider my mantra/offer.
Posted by: Uncle Twitchy at February 28, 2006 07:43 PM
She's headed for a career in politics.
Posted by: Queen of Ass at February 28, 2006 09:40 PM