February 01, 2006
Retarded Fortune Cookie
Last night, Heather and I had carry-out Chinese food and pondered the question: Does anyone really eat Chinese food from the carton -- with chopsticks -- besides in the movies?
It's these Mysteries of the Universe that Heather and I tackle when we get together. During the hair-brushing, before we try on nightgowns and model them for each other.
We ate our Beef Lo Mein from plates with forks like we were nearly human, while we watched, "Riding the Bus with My Sister," starring Rosie O'Donnell as Beth, the lovable retard with a heart of gold and a lesson to teach us all; and Andie MacDowell as Rachel, her cold, resentful, career-driven sister who is eventually won over by Beth's retarded charm.
If you have not seen this movie, I urge you to send me your address so I can pass it along and share the joy. You'll never be the same after the Rosie/Andie tickle-scene.
And we laughed and laughed and laughed. Apparently, Rosie thinks that retards sound like Pee-Wee Herman. Henh-Henh!
[Disclaimer: Heather and I are virtuous, empathetic people who would never make fun of retards; we were making fun of fat-ass bull-dyke Rosie O'Donnell, who was playing a retard.]
Anyhoo, the worthwhile point of this whole thing is what my fortune cookie said:
Your best plan is not to be your self.
SWEAR. TO. GOD.
Which means I probably shouldn't have written this post.
Meh. Oh well.
Comments
the thing about this movie that I had the biggest problem with is that rosie needed to scream every single word of her dialogue, which made her the most annoying person ever.
In all my years on this earth, I've seen a whole bunch of retarded acquaintences and relatives and even complete strangers and *none* of them, as adults hollered inappropriately. seriously.
note, we have no problems making fun of rosie being a bad actress. if we had been blogging when Forrest Gump first aired, we would have mocked the hell out of Tom Hanks, too.
also? the tickle scene had me curled up in a fetal position, shuddering in a contorted confusion of horror and amusement. you have *got* to see this movie, if only for that one scene.
Posted by: heather at February 1, 2006 01:59 PM
Um. Yeah. I sometimes eat my Chinese food right out of the carton with chopsticks. Because I am a picky eater and it is hard to stab a cashew with a fork.
Posted by: Anne at February 1, 2006 02:32 PM
I can't think of a better way to eat Chinese food than out of the carton with chopsticks. Few dishes [zero if they're wooden chopsticks], and far, far, far superior than a fork.
Posted by: Adam at February 1, 2006 03:07 PM
Your blog today was totally a scene out of Gilmore Girls. The talked about that movie on Gilmore Girls last season. You had a Gilmore Girls moment!!! Bwahhahahaha!!!
Posted by: Marty at February 1, 2006 03:38 PM
believe it or not, marty, we wanted to watch RtBwmS since it came out on DVD - waaayyyy before the gilmore girls episode with that reference.
in fact, I nearly called wenchie to squeal about the coincidence, but came to my senses and remembered that she sadly doesn't watch the WB.
not since they stopped the xena syndication, anyway...
Posted by: heather at February 1, 2006 07:50 PM
It's these Mysteries of the Universe that Heather and I tackle when we get together. During the hair-brushing, before we try on nightgowns and model them for each other.
Back when I had long hair, this is what I did, too!
Posted by: Max Hufnagel at February 1, 2006 10:31 PM
I'll be the first to admit I've never even heard of this movie until now.
Heck I came across this blog randomly =)
I'm just glad to see it's not filled with critics that constantly argue through comments.
Peaceful blogs are nice.
I couldnt eat chicken with a pair of chopsticks for the life of me, my luck would be the chicken crumbling apart while I attempt to stab it.
Posted by: Anthony at February 13, 2006 11:41 PM