March 01, 2006
Adventures In Babysitting the Boy Child
Since Husband and I don't have little kids, we don't really have a lot of toys in the house.
Okay, okay, yes, I have a room full of Barbies, I know. But most of those Barbies are for looking only. Of course, that didn't stop Girl Child from taking down Juicy Couture Barbie and Naughty Catholic Schoolgirl Barbie and making them perform "The Lonely Goatherd."
Boy Child, on the other hand, made a beeline for my Bruce Campbell as "Ash" 12" action figure. *sniff* I was so proud! Even more so since Ash was brandishing his chainsaw and abducting a scantily-clad Belle at the time.
But since Boy Child was likely to get bored in 30 seconds and start playing with my mascara, I figured I should probably stock our home with a cornicopia of kid-friendly items. After all, there's only so many times I can watch SpongeBob without hurling myself headfirst into a wall until my head becomes a bloody pulp.
SpongeBob: "Squidward, I used your clarinet to unplug my toilet! Nah-ah-ah-ah-ah-ah!"
*shudder*
So I loaded up the kids and headed to the Mecca of All Things Wonderful & Cheap -- Target! For Boy Child, Whack-a-Mole. For Girl Child, The Duckie Game. Plus a couple o' puzzles, a doll, some plastic dinosaurs, and "The Wild Thornberrys Movie" (cuz it was only $5.50).
So they played Whack-a-Mole for five minutes. And then they played The Duckie Game for five minutes. And then they started running up and down the hall from the living room to my office.
Just running.
Back and forth.
After a little while, they added yelling while they ran, "Meatball! Meatball! Meatball! Meatball!"
They don't even eat meatballs.
But they seemed happy, so I let them be. I just sat in my office and played Zuma, and every couple minutes, they'd run in and catch their breath before running back into the living room and crash-landing on the couch.
And one time, as they both stood panting and giggling, Girl Child goes, "This is great!"
Great? Running down a hallway and getting sweaty is great? WHY DID I JUST BUY YOU FIFTY DOLLARS WORTH OF TOYS AND ENTERTAINMENT?!
Later on, they continued to ignore all the items that they just couldn't have lived without that very morning, and played with our chess board. Of course, they don't really know how to play chess, so they were playing house using the chess board and chess pieces. Every piece was assigned a role, usually by Girl Child.
"This is my guy."
"Dis is my guy."
"This is his daughter."
"Dis is his son."
"This is his wife."
...
"Boy Child, where's your guy's wife?"
"She died."
Nice.
I'm gonna see if I can scrounge up a big box and some twine and packing peanuts for next time they come over.
Comments
Throw in a few rubber bands and some sticks.
And plan on a trip to the hospital later. PAR-TAY!
Posted by: Queen of Ass at March 2, 2006 09:30 PM
Been there, done that. Babysitted my sister's kids. Worst babysitting gig ever. First they complained about our car, wondering when we were going to buy a new one. They wanted to order two pizzas, when one was more than sufficient. And despite the fact that we bought them two video games for the console that was hooked up, they only wanted to play games for the console that wasn't hooked up. When we refused to hook up that console, they were even worse. I have never babysat them since.
Proof that not only is my sister pretentious, she's raising her sons that way, too.
-Lori
Posted by: Lori at March 3, 2006 01:12 PM