March 06, 2006
Mom and Wenchie Review the Oscars
Lucky for you, we only watched the last fifteen minutes, so this review is very short. Like our attention spans. I've added links galore for those of you who live in a cave.
Mom: I didn't care for all the blond, pale girls in blond, pale gowns.
PW: Yeah, they need a trip to Old Navy, and a stop at the food court on the way.
Mom: I think Frances McDormand* looked hideous. I hope she did that for a coming-up role.
PW: Well, we can't all be Zandra Whatshername.
Mom: Felt sorry for Lauren Bacall. Shakey, but still a icon.
PW: Yeah, same with Stockard Channing. Oh, wait -- that was Maggie Gyllenhaal.
Mom: I have never seen Jon Stewart before, and he was MAVELOUS.
PW: Did you know that his news show is not really a serious news show?
Mom: Charlize's Black dress with Big Satin Bow was great.
PW: My Gene doll has a dress like that.
Mom: What the heck was "The Constant Gardener" about?
PW: No one knows. But I'm pretty sure it's not about gardening.
Mom: The best was Merle and Lili, doing their stand-up routine. They should put that on DVD.
PW: I think it's pronounced Meryl.
Mom: The Pimp song didn't do anything for me, but of course, I'm very mature.
PW: So is Laura Hutton. Damn. She's lookin' ridden hard and put away wet.
Mom: George Clooney is THE MAN.
PW: Are you transferring your obsession? Tom Cruise is going to be devastated!
Mom: I think Heath looked queer in his weird earring. Still loved the movie.
PW: Please tell me that lapel pin was a sword. And that's the end of my gay cowboy jokes. I promise.
[* I'd like to apologize for not finding a photo of Frances McDormand on the red carpet. You probably have no idea what my mother is talking about. Welcome to my world.]
Comments
Since I didn't watch, I have to take what you say as gospel. (Like that's any different from normal!)
I hate the big satin bow. Zandra Whatshername? OH MY GOD, IS SHE A CARTOON???
Posted by: Queen of Ass at March 6, 2006 03:51 PM
MY REVIEW -
Have to laugh at the "pale blonde" comment, because I thought Reese and Nicole looked gorgeous. Charlize's big bow was silly. I watched almost the whole thing, but I didn't see any of the movies. Oh! Except King Kong! And Lauren Hutton looked good for an older woman; at least she's not getting botox and face lifts and looking all plastic. John Stewart was okay, but I like him better on the Daily show.
Posted by: Billi at March 7, 2006 09:21 AM
Zandra must be a costume designer . . . I'll make sure to keep a tight rein on my personal style when I'm in my 60's. Frances McDormand must have known she wouldn't win . . . why bother with a hairbrush?
Posted by: Lola at March 7, 2006 10:15 AM