March 09, 2006
"The Girls Go Bald"
No, not my step-daughters. And my hogans are already bald, thankyouverymuch. No, I'm talkin' 'bout the po', delusional girls who want to be "America's Next Top Model." Anyway, I didn't name the episode -- Tyra did.
Ever since I started a blog, I've been wanting to share my thoughts and passion regarding "America's Next Top [Unemployed] Model." But I know it only appeals to a small, deeply deranged percentage of my audience, so I couldn't very well make it a regular part of my blog.
Instead, I'm making it an irregular part of my blog. An "extra," if you will. Every Thursday or Friday, in addition to my regular blogging activities. Feel free to ignore them.
That said, here's my thoughts on this season's gaggle of wanna-bes, in no particular order:
Brooke: Scares the shit outta me with that monster chin, but I like her in spite of it... no, perhaps because of it. She'll be out early, tho', cuz she has no idea what she's doing. Loved the Daisy Duke outfit.
Danielle: Face in serious need of electrolysis and some anti-yellowing agent, but pretty and knows how to work the poses. Could be in the race for a while, probably even to The Final Three.
Furonda: Tyra, what the hell is she doing on this show? Clearly this season's token She-Male. (S)he makes the Chin Monster look delicate and feminine. You're outta here, Furonda, and take your stupid, made-up name with you. Oh, wait, I guess I gotta give her props for hugging Kathy at the end. That was sporting.
Gina: Of all the gorgeous Asian women out there, they pick this broad. I don't care how big her cheekbones are -- she's homely. I was hoping she would alcohol-poison herself right outta the competition.
Jade: Oh, now this bitch is a piece of work. Whatever happened to winning by just doing your best? What's the point of shitting on your competition? Clearly this season's token Angry African American Woman. Camille and YaYa welcome you, Jade. And of course, they'll keep her around for a while, purely for the drama. Certainly not because of her beady, feral eyes.
Joanie: I want to dismiss her for her bland, mall-rat looks, but she takes a good photo. Maybe her make-over will fix her hair. LOOOOOOOVE the make-over episode!
Leslie: I like her. If for no other reason than nothing about her bugs the shit outta me.
Kari: I was thinking Kewpie doll, but then the judges, in their infinite wisdom, compared her to a Bratz doll, and I almost peed in my pants. I think she's more porn star than high fashion.
Kathy: Yuck. So glad she's gone. Her voice was so ingratiating, and her face was so pinched. Like a redneck Nicole Kidman.
Mollie Sue: Oh, how I love her. Mollie, Mollie, Mollie. She looks like a sweet little kitten who is just about to snap and scratch your eyes out. *sigh* But she's "robotic," according to Tyra. And you know, if you're not acting like a fool, challenging the other girls to "Bring it!" every three seconds, or willing to cry every time to talk to Tyra, you're "robotic" -- and you're out. So farewell, sweet, sweet Mollie.
Nnenna: The current front-runner, due, in part, to her African-themed sob-story, which Tyra just ATE UP. I'm picking her for The Final Three.
Sara: Another mall-rat with bad roots. Nice lips, tho'. Um... I can't think of a damn thing to say about her.
Wendy: Oh my God, this competition is going to eat her alive. This Hurricane Katrina survivor might have stood a chance if Nnenna hadn't one-upped her on The Pity Scale. But now she's just "that sad girl with no eyelashes."
Two other thoughts...
These girls are sluttier than usual. It sure didn't take this particular group of ladies long to get naked with each other. Most of the time, they make us wait until the third or fourth episode. Hopefully, the token Lesbian/Bi-Sexual will reveal herself soon.
These girls are dumber than usual. When Jay told them they were "going bald" for a photoshoot, they actually thought they were going to have their heads shaved. I hope, as they get eliminated, Tyra shaves their heads on the way out as punishment for not figuring out that Jay was talking about a bald cap. Morons.
For better recaps, go here.
Comments
Great post. I liked the Bratz doll girl but I think she won't last who knows.. I also liked Nnenna and Mollie-sue, she was adorable- and wow Jade had better calm down they'll toss her eventually just for being pushy and know-it-all probably.. well eventually, they still want to make good TV and thats "drama"
:)
~*~
Bratz World
http://www.bratzworld.tv
Posted by: sfb at March 9, 2006 10:32 AM
I love how most of these girls post ANTM as their favorite TV Show. like that will help them with the judges or something.
freaks.
Love the bald caps, tho. very chic.
Posted by: heather at March 9, 2006 11:15 AM
I LOVE this show and eagerly await more updates from you.
Posted by: Jen at March 9, 2006 03:40 PM