March 08, 2006
Sleep Study: Part One
I arrived at my sleep study at 8:45 on a Monday night, already wearing my pajamas. Yes, I know it was too cold for babydolls, which is why I was wearing a sweatshirt and yoga pants. Perverts. Okay, I'll throw you a bone -- I wasn't wearing a bra.
I was dismayed to discover that my sleep... uh, technician? -- was hhhhhhhhhhhhott. Already I was doubtful I'd get any sleep -- knowing Sayid was watching me via voyeur-cam wasn't going to help.
Okay, wait, must ammend -- he was hott except for the hat. He was wearing one of those wool knit caps. I don't know why. Fashion statement? I've never really understood the whole hat-indoors thing. Except for Easter, of course. I mean, was he a skater punk? Was he able to work all the machinery while stoned? Did I want a skater punk in charge of my sleep study? Did I have a choice? No, but I obsess. It's what I do. Obsess.
No, I don't see any connection between that and my insomnia, why? Are you a doctor??? Quit distracting me. It's already too nice of a day out to be here at work, trying to make one stack of filing last the entire afternoon.
So.
Sayid goes, "I'll take about thirty or forty minutes to get you all hooked up."
Oh great. First, he scrubbed the contact points on my body with some sort of varnish-remover/exfoliant. Two on each calf, two on my chest, two on my neck, and twelve on my head.
TWELVE.
On my HEAD.
Know how? First, he put down a glob of glue. Literally, it was the consistency of a glue stick. In my hair and on my face. My HAIR.
Then he pressed the electrode into my skin practically. This guy did not have a gentle touch. Then he secured all the electrodes with tape. In my HAIR.
Dudes, my hair is, like, sacred. It's honey-blonde, it's long, it's silky, it's soft, it's thick, it's void of split ends. I wash and condition it every day. I spend more money on my hair than you do on your car. I had a friend whose roommate called me "She of the Immaculate Hair."
And Sayid put sticky crap in it. To say I was horrified is an understatement.
And THEN, there were tubes running into my nose and two straps on my head holding everything in place.
The two electrodes on my chest were stuck there with duct tape. Don't worry -- the girls were in no way harmed during this sleep study. The ones on my calves had wires going all the way up the inside of my pajamas, so they could all be hooked up to the shit on my head.
Ahhhhhhhhh, yes, now I'm ready for Mr. Sandman! Sooooo comfy!
I've never had any problem going to sleep. Falling to sleep isn't the issue for me. It's staying asleep once I pass the four or five hour mark. However, that night, falling asleep was an issue. A big, BIG issue in a hazard-orange jumpsuit.
And five minutes after Sayid left my room, I had to pee.
Comments
Sounds like the PERFECT snugly environment!
Posted by: Queen of Ass at March 9, 2006 08:48 AM
Methinks that repeated use of the word "electrode" is going to bring about a whole new realm of weird search engine hits for this site.
Posted by: Marty at March 9, 2006 09:40 AM
Been there done that. Two sleep studies, and the only diagnosis is that I'm a "hellacious snorer." -direct quote from the doctor.
Try having an EEG (look it up). That's 18 electrodes to the head, plus others. I've had four of those buggers.
Try acetone (nail polish remover) to get the glue out of your hair. Works wonders.
-Lori
Posted by: Lori at March 9, 2006 02:44 PM