April 26, 2006
Reasons Why Sleeping with Heather Is Better Than Sleeping with Husband
1. The only snoring comes from Daisy.
2. My precious, precious sleep isn't interrupted at 3am by chilly, wandering hands.
3. No farting.
4. I don't have to cling desperately to the covers when she rolls over.
5. Her underwear is much cuter than Husband's.
6. Making the bed in the morning is so easy! We just slip out of the top, and voila! The bed is a neat as before we got in it! Because we don't kick and flail and toss and seizure while we sleep!
* * * * *
And on a completely different note, I have a promise to make to you people.
If/when I ever get a book deal or magazine interview or something because of this blog, I will never, EVER write tedious posts like:
Oh, so sorry I haven't posted in a while! I've been on the phone for hours with my Agent/Manager/Satanic Representative every day lately! My life has been so hectic since I got all discovered and famous, I haven't had any time to pay attention to you, the little people who made me who I am today. Must go -- the photographer is at my door, and then I have a meeting with my editor! Tah-tah!
Vomit.
Yeah, cuz that's entertaining or interesting in any conceivable way to anyone but my Mom.
And yes, I'm bitter, but that's part of my charm.
Just had to get that off my chest.
If my dreams come true, and I get published for realsies one day, I vow not to mention it until it actually happens, and then only once. I'll link to it and be like, "Oh, by the way, here's a book that might not be a huge waste of your time to read." But only at the bottom of a long post about pubic hair grooming.
Comments
in case y'all are wondering, we had a sleepover - miss wenchie made me watch Caddyshack and I fell asleep from boredom...or maybe I was just exhausted from all the laughing out loud at the outfits.....
Posted by: heather at April 26, 2006 01:52 PM
Caddyshake? Oh Wenchie! Some things are unacceptable!
Posted by: Queen of Ass at April 27, 2006 04:49 AM
A friend of my mother is in Caddyshack -- she's one of the fringe people that are with Rodney Dangerfield throughout the film.
Posted by: Uncle Twitchy at April 27, 2006 12:50 PM