May 16, 2006

Soda Machine Outage... and Outrage

Remember the G.M. of our company, famous for such emails as Stewards of Electrical Resources and Pig Sty? Well, he's at it again. Yes, we pay him six figures a year to write this:

V.P. has elected to keep your price of soft drinks at $.25 even though it cost the company $.65 per can. This cost includes the cost of the soda, machine rental, service, and overhead to the vending company. This is an employee benefit and intended for employee consumption while at the office.

We are periodically reminded of the machine being out of a specific soda. The machine is filled three times per week. Our outage of a specific brand has increased substantially in recent weeks. Why are we having an outage with more frequency? We have fewer employees within our space than when we first moved. Are our employees drinking more soda? Are people taking advantage of the subsidized price and taking the drinks home or to other areas? We had one employee observe a member of the cleaning crew purchases many and place them into a basket for removal from the area. I do not know if increased outage is one primary reason or if there are several contributing factors.

Here is what has been done:

1. I met with the building management and they will communicate to the cleaning crew that they should not be purchasing subsidized goods or removing goods from tenant space. While we do not object to them having a soda for their own use while in our space, purchasing multiple drinks at our subsidized rate and removing them in inappropriate. Depleting the supply is inconsiderate and inconvenient to you.

2. Executive Secretary checked with the vendor and found a timer can be installed which will render the machine inoperable during certain hours. This would certainly stop the purchase of drinks after regular office hours. I do not want to do this as it would inconvenience employees here after normal hours.

Other options:

1. We could eliminate one of the other drink options so more Diet Coke could be available. That may please the Diet Coke drinkers at the expense of those preferring the product eliminated.

2. If the low price is influencing the purchases, we could reduce the amount of company subsidy (increase cost at the machine). I do not think that is something you want us to do and I do not think V.P. wants that to happen.

3. Adding another machine is not an option for consideration.

Suggestions:

1. If you observe inappropriate use of the vending machine, tactfully reminder the offender and/or report the incident to an appropriate person.

2. If you are having a group function that may require a large quantity of drinks, consider purchasing your needed quantity of drinks elsewhere rather than depleting the supply in the vending machine.

3. If the machine happens to be temporarily out of your favorite soda, consider trying an alternate brand until the machine is refilled. Better yet, consider the filtered water.

4. If you are really attached to a specific brand that is not available from the machine, you may find it in the Atrium Shop (non-discounted price).

5. Remember that we do not have a supply of drinks to replenish the machine and we do not have a key to access the machine. The vendor is here on a regular schedule (Mon, Wed.& Fri. morning) and is the only one able to refill the machine. Let's try to patiently wait for the vendor to arrive and refill the machine.

6. Let's continue to monitor the usage without currently implementing additional changes.

Well. I knew I just had to blog it.

I was drafting some witty comments to go with it, when I received this from co-worker Ann O. Nymous, which is much funnier than anything I was coming up with:

Solution 1

1. Compare the daily fluctuations in soda inventory against the badge reader data on the restroom doors.

2. A decrease in soda inventory that coincides with an increase of trips to the restroom would implicate a suspect.

Solution 2

1. Install retina scanners, fingerprint scanners, or card key readers on the soda machine.

2. The information from these access devices can be correlated to the fluctuations in soda inventories, thereby allowing the determination of the individual (or individuals – we cannot rule out the possibility of a conspiracy) consuming excessive amounts of soda.

Solution 3

1. Install realistic-looking, artificial bushes and trees in the lunchroom.

2. Wearing camouflage clothing, appointed company officials can hide in the fake bushes and trees and await for the arrival of the cleaning people

3. When the cleaning people are observed removing excessive amounts of soda from the machine, fire a tranquilizer dart into their shoulder or haunches. The amount of tranquilizer needed will vary from cleaning person to cleaning person – depending on their weight.

4. Once darted with the tranquilizer, follow – at a safe distance – the cleaning person(s) until they drop.

5. Once down, they can be weighed, their teeth and nails can be checked, and blood can be drawn. The glucose levels of the blood can aid in determining whether “too much” soda has been consumed by the cleaning person. Also, if the cleaning person was carrying soda cans, these can be collected and returned to the soda machine.

6. The sleeping cleaning person will awaken within 20 minutes, with only a slight headache and a thirsty sensation which will undoubtedly cause them to return to the soda machine for a drink.

Posted on May 16, 2006 12:17 PM

Comments

Posted by: Another Ann at May 16, 2006 05:05 PM

Posted by: Michele at May 17, 2006 10:30 AM

Posted by: careswen at May 17, 2006 10:46 PM

Posted by: Scarlett Cyn at May 18, 2006 06:05 AM

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