June 08, 2006
Products Already Delivered
So. I have a male friend -- well, actually, I have many, but this one shall remain nameless, for reasons that will become clear.
This friend recently celebrated twenty years of not getting fired. For this auspicious occasion, his company gave him a catalogue and told to pick out anything he wanted, which would be his anniversary gift.
The selection was nice. And by nice, I mean nice, in the blandest sense of the word. Quality merchandise, yet... nothing a normal person would actually want, you know? Binoculars, chess set, grandfather clock -- that sort of shit. Grown-up executive shit.
So he emailed me a link and asked me what I thought he should get, since he had no idea. See, this is where my shallow materialism comes in handy helping others. I'm practically Mother Theresa. Only taller.
I clicked through, nodding off, until -- what to mine eyes should appear but a BLACK, LEATHER COACH PURSE!
I'm like, "Dude, get the Coach purse and give it to me!" In jest, of course, because it's not my anniversary. And did I mention he's happily married?
And he's like, "Okay!" And I'm like, "I was kidding. You can't do that. Your wife will kill you." And he's like, "What's she going to do with it?"
He had a point there. His wife is a total hippie and couldn't care less about a Coach purse. Or any purse, really. Or bras. But whatever -- I was totally kidding (only a tiny bit kinda not), and he took me seriously when, really, he should know better.
The other day, a package arrived, prompting me to immediately spring onto IM, like Lindsay Lohan springing onto one of Paris' ex-boyfriends.
Wenchie: I HAVE COACH PURSE!
Male Friend: Yes, yes you do!
W: OMG, I saw the same one at Nordstrom's yesterday
MF: Did you make out OK? I have no idea what they are worth...
W: dude, they didn't even have a price tag on it, and it was behind locked glass cuz if you have to ask, you can't afford it.
MF: Yikes!
W: that size? leather? about $200, I'm sure
MF: Wow. I rock.
W: YOU TOTALLY DO! I think this is it
MF: Yeah, I think that's it. I didn't pay that close of attention. Kind of like you get when I start talking comics or computers.
W: I'm sorry, what?
MF: Brat.
W: oh, how I love this one, but I'd get it dirty in 2 seconds
MF: Um...OK.
W: and they have SHOES that MATCH!
MF: Seems like something that [my 6 year old daughter] would carry, but whatever floats your boat.
W: bitch, please, that purse is worth more than she is
MF: Well, I could see that for easter or something... Nice poofy dress. Pumps and white gloves. And a big easter bonnet.
W: in all seriousness, this is the one I would sleep with you for, in white. wow, I'm such a whore
MF: $450? Damn. Not sure you're worth it...
W: oh I'm totally not worth it, are you kidding?
MF: I think, $250 is more in my price range. Hey, how about a hand job for products already delivered?
W: you're hilarious
MF: (I don't think you should blog that last part...)
W: (Oh, I won't)
Comments
I was very happy with my Fauxch
UNTIL you got a free real one!
I'm the NICE one dammit
Posted by: qfe23 at June 8, 2006 03:11 PM
Ladies and Gentlemen, we now know her price! Any bidders?
Posted by: Marty at June 8, 2006 05:08 PM
I'm a Kate Spade girl, I just got a new one. I swear I could make out with it for hours.
Love the purse!
Posted by: runwaylights at June 13, 2006 10:04 AM