June 23, 2006
Being a Woman Is Hard
It's the answer you've all been waiting for -- YES, I finally have an outfit for the two weddings!
Losin' sleep, werentcha?
One night last week, I drove all the way home to pick-up Heather (who is carless, which, to me, she might as well be homeless, it's so unfathomable). Then I drove all the way back where I came from because my office is literally right across the street from The Big Huge Awesome Mall.
Stupid Heather and her stupid carlessness.
We arrived around 7:00 and immediately headed into Nordstrom's because that's Where You Go when you have to be Ultimate Arm Candy.
Nuthin'. Got a little excited about a Carmen Miranda-esque skirt but couldn't find anything to go with it. Imagine that.
Next up -- J. Jill. Found an ADORABLE skirt but, again, nothing to go with it.
(Riveting storytelling, I know.)
Banana Republic (or BanRep, as I like to call it -- I'm hoping it catches on) yielded yet another fabulous skirt, like this one but in sky blue so gorgeous it's edible.
By then I was sick of finding amazing skirts and nothing to match them. Sick of standing naked in a dressing room while Heather brought me armfulls of clothes. Sick of looking at myself under fluorescent lights.
So I wimped out and got this little twinset in white. A cop-out, I know, but it was 8:55, the stores were closing, and I was groggy and crabby from lack of food.
But I have the perfect jewelry to tie it all together: borrowed a multi-blue Brighton necklace from Billi, and I got the matching bracelet on eBay. They so nicely highlight my grey-blue eyes, if I do say so myself. But I don't like the matching earrings, so I just got some grey pearl studs, also on eBay. Ah, eBay -- is there anything you can't do?
But even with adorable, Stepford outfit and eye-enhancing jewelry, I was still only partway to my goal of Ultimate Arm Candy.
Yesterday at lunch, I took a team of very well-dressed salaried staff women to DSW to find me some sandals that don't make me cry. I basically went fetal in the loafer aisle while they shopped within my parameters:
1) No really high heels.
2) Nothing between my toes.
The result is a pair of simple, white slingbacks with a kitten heel. (The met just heard "The result is blah blah white kitten blah blah," and are now totally confused.) I didn't trip on the practice walk, so I'm greatly encouraged.
Awesome, awesome me! Fabulous skirt? Check! Adorable twinset? Check! Stunning jewelry? Check! Strappy sandals? Check! Matching purse?
Purse?
Purse?!?!
FUCK!
No, I don't have a white purse! Why would I own a white purse? I never wear white!
Deep cleansing breaths, Wenchie. You'll get through this.
Okay.
I'll forgo the purse for the wedding I'm singing at tomorrow cuz I'm not even going to the reception. (Have cousins coming in from Norway on Sunday I must prepare for. And not be hung-over for. They are sure to yeild at least a couple humorous posts, I'm sure. Because foreign = funny!)
I'm currently watching several white leather Coach wristlets on eBay. I'm sure to get one before the July 8 wedding, right? Right?!
Comments
Yippee! Time to play Fool the Furner!
Posted by: qfe23 at June 23, 2006 02:51 PM
The fact that there wre no tops should have told you to go topless! Yeah baby! And can I just say I'm all alone!!!!!!!!!!!!!! So all alone!!!!!!!!!See ya Sat. Garrance
Posted by: garrance at June 23, 2006 04:31 PM
You bitch...because of this last post, I have now been searching on ebay for purses for the past two/three hours. Do I need a new purse...NO...do I have the money for it...NO...I will wait util your purse party, hopefully this will break the addicition.
Posted by: Laura at June 23, 2006 10:42 PM
YOu just opened up a whole new aspect of eBay I hadn't considered before!!!
Posted by: Queen of Ass at June 24, 2006 11:25 PM
Completely random. This made me think of you.
Posted by: Homidus Corax Celticus at June 25, 2006 07:09 PM
Being a man is easy!
One Wallet
+Two pairs of Dress Shoes (black, brown)
+Two Suits
+Two Belts (black, brown)
+A dozen ties (various colors)
+White dress shirts
=Ready for Anything!
Haven't had to change my wardrobe in like 10 years!
(The only accessorizing I even start to think about is watches.)
Posted by: Marty at June 26, 2006 11:25 AM
No purse? You're dead to me.
Posted by: Fresh at June 26, 2006 11:39 AM