August 01, 2006
The New Breed of Forwarded Email
I'm sure we've all received one of those chain emails about Getting To Know Your Friends Better. With things like:
1. Your full, given name:
2. Day of the week you were born:
3. Who did you take to your Senior Prom?
4. Do you really think anyone is going to send this back?
And we're supposed to fill in your answer for each number, and then send it back to the person who sent it, plus everyone else in your address book.
I have received enough of these that I am officially sick of myself.
Also? I'm sick of all of you. If I don't know where you were born, it's because I don't care. I also don't care what kind of ice cream you like because I don't think it says anything significant about you, and I already have enough worthless information taking up space in my brain, like all the words to every song on "Seven and the Ragged Tiger." I really don't need your hat size taking up more space.
Now, if these chain emails provided me with some different information, I may be more inclined to show some interest.
Here is Wenchie's Getting To Know You List of Questions, as scribbled on a napkin at Graziano's. Please answer them and send them to me at my Yahoo account, so that I may mock you accordingly. Anonymously, of course. Or just leave your answers in the Comments section, whatever, I don't care.
1. What's your middle name?
2. What kind of underwear do you wear?
3. What is the place and date that you lost your virginity?
4. Penthouse or Hustler?
5. What is your favorite pasta shape?
6. Have you ever had anything removed from your body?
7. When and where did you last masturbate?
8. Mermaid or centaur?
9. Orange or raccoon?
10. Who is on the top of your Shit List, and why?
If I get enough answers, I may be inclined to answer the questions myself.
Feel free to send this list to your family, your pastor, your health insurance customer service representative, and all your co-workers. I'm sure it will bring you all to a better understanding of one another and bring about world peace just a tiny bit faster.
Comments
I hate those emails too! I get them from the sampe people each week and every time I think, I already KNOW this stuff and I still like you so knock it off or I won't.
Here are my answers:
1. Lyn (only 1 n please)
2. Satin string bikini
3. Boyfriend's tv room, November 26, 1994. Our senior year in hs, it was his birthday, his 1st time too.
4. Penthouse
5. Angel Hair
6. 5 baby teeth, 4 wisdom
7. Monday night, in the shower
8. Mermaid or centaur?
9. Orange
10. Greg, because he chose the wrong girl.
Posted by: Hope at August 2, 2006 09:47 AM
1. Jae
2. Granny Panties
3. I haven't - as I am unmarried, I am a virgin
4. Both, along with Juggs
5. Rotini (I like saying "rotini" over and over)
6. Gall Bladder
7. HeHeHeHe!!!
8. Cyclops
9. Raccoon
10. That guy that wrote "The Game" (I have enough problems)
Posted by: anon. at August 2, 2006 01:29 PM
1. Erin Eileen
2. Whatever's clean. Mostly cotton hipster panties. I like the word panties. My favorite panties have monkeys on them.
3. My room, sometime in November, about 8 years ago.
4. Hustler. If I'm goin' porn, I'm goin' all the way.
5. Angel hair. I like my pasta like I like my men - skinny.
6. Just blood.
7. Can't remember exactly. It's been awhile. For shame.
8. As far as mystical creatures go, I prefer the unicorn. But for the sake of this survey, I'll choose Mermaid.
9. Orange rocks!
10. Me. For a variety of reasons. Earlier today it was Vicki, but she managed to redeem herself.
Posted by: Friend of Nicki & Vicki at August 2, 2006 03:46 PM
You still haven't answered my question regarding the centaur vs. mermaid, so I can't respond intelligently.
(Yes, I did just hand you a perfect straight line. Have fun!)
Posted by: Marty at August 2, 2006 04:27 PM
I'm scared of the Wenchie. But can.not.resist.the.survey. It is calling, for a whole day now! And even though she can easily read the site meter and see who I am and further mock me, here goes:
1. Jo
2. clean ones - but preferably clean hi-cut briefs with a little tiny waistband (I think VS or Hanes???)
3. Boyfriends dorm room sophmore year of college - yes...loser I am
4. sadly I've never seen either, and I'm gay! But I did "read" a lot of playboy growing up. Guess that should have clued me into the gay thing.
5. Bowtie
6. Appendix, 3 wisdom teeth
7. few nights ago, my boring bed
8. mermaid
9. raccoon
10. my upcoming bridezilla, for being a damn bridezilla
Posted by: not telling at August 2, 2006 05:18 PM
Seriously, "not telling," I have no idea who you are. My site meter doesn't give me information that detailed.
Posted by: Wenchie at August 3, 2006 08:41 AM
1. Joanna Marie (yes, I have two)
2. Hanes Her Way hi-cut briefs
3. About a half hour away from Orange Walk, Belize on Feb. 27, 1994 to a cute 16 y/o El Salvadoran guy (I was 18).
4. Penthouse (Actually the books with the stories)
5. Fettuccini
6. Wisdom teeth + 2 extra and ear tubes (retrieved from being put in)
7. Last night, right here.
8. Centaur
9. Orange
10. People who can't use the English language properly to save their miserable lives.
Posted by: Homidus Corax Celticus at August 3, 2006 09:01 AM