September 27, 2006
I Hate What I'm Wearing. Can I Go Home?
I should really just have a blog category called "My Boobs," since I can't seem shut up about them.
In an attempt to answer that age-old question, "Why do my clothes always look better at home than they do at work?" Heather and I had the following innane and mostly irrelevent conversation via IM (edited for coherency):
PW: I'm so getting rid of this shirt. it's pretty, but it just doesn't hang right and looks so retarded. but how come I never notice these things until I'm already at work?
H: oh, I know. it's because we don't have indirect florescent lighting at home.
H: I am dressed like murphy brown - didn't realize it until I got here. and now my editor is laughing at me. if he had a blog, I'd be RIGHT UP in there.
H: what are YOU wearing?
PW: oh, it's a pink, v-neck shirt, but it just... doesn't hang right. and I feel stupid and frumpy.
PW: and I put my black cardigan over it cuz I"m cold, and now it looks even dumber cuz it has 3/4 length sleeves
H: so, both tops don't fit right? I hate THAT!
PW: well, the cardigan is awesome but looks stupid over the stupid shirt
PW: I think I"ll go take off the shirt and leave on just the black one
H: ohohoh. yeah. take it off, baby.
PW: I'm too sexy for my shirt.
H: does it hurt?
PW has changed status to Away: I am away from my computer right now.
PW has changed status to Available
PW: not really, but now that I've changed, my neckline is waaaaaaaaay plunging
PW: and I don't have a necklace on
H: you don't have backup jewelry? anything you could borrow from barbie?
PW: no, back-up sweater is an organized as I get
H: ah. I dont' even have that.
PW: and I need a safety pin for this sweater. my tits are bursting out
H: how is that a problem? wear it backwards!
PW: HA! I work at Conservative Insurance Co., not Playboy
PW: it's not porno, but I would still feel better if it were an inch more closed
H: scotch tape? paper clip it to your bra?
PW: it's Banana Republic! I would totally use double-sided tape, if it were Old Navy or something
PW: well, at least I can blog about my boobs today... which is pretty much my fav topic anyway, so I'm always happy for an excuse
H: yay! awesome!
PW: Female Co-Worker just offered to lend me a sweater, and it's totally cute, but she had, like, three lunches spilled on it.
PW: I'm like, "Take your sweater home and wash it!"
PW: I'd rather be a slut than a slob.
H: that is hilarious
H: I don't keep a sweater here, because I hate that whole sweater-on-the-chair look. I'd rather be cold than ugly.
H: becuas ei am weird.
PW: I keep it in my drawer, not on my chair! I'm not an animal!
H: I don't have drawer space - it's full of porn!
PW: you have way better priorities than me
H: obviously.
And then we started talking about porn, which is appropriate because I look like Chesty McMelon. In fact, this illustration is pretty accurate:
Ah, Captain Cleavage. You can always find her throwing back drinks at The Salty Nipple. She's the scourge o' the seven seas... as long as it's not too windy.
To make matters worse, I did this last week, too -- decided I hated my shirt and changed into my sweater. Of course, I had a pink tank on underneath, so it wasn't as risque. But still, people are going to think this is the only top I own!
I'm just going to start telling people that I gave all my worldly posessions to George Clooney so he can save Africa or whatever it is that he's doing. Oh, who cares what he's doing? It's George Clooney! Why wouldn't I give him my clothes?!
Comments
George Clooney can have my clothes too..... once he removes them.........
WITH.HIS.TEETH.
But I'm confused... I thought I was Captian Cleavage?
Huh.
Posted by: Scarlett Cyn at September 28, 2006 02:07 AM