September 05, 2006
Today's Blog Is Brought To You By the Letter "P"
Billi is our guest blogger today because, when I read her email, I laughed my ass off and then merrily thanked God that I'm not her.
Her rant follows; my comments are in [brackets]...
Okay, Dee came over today with her kids. Right after lunch, C (the youngest one) complained of a headache. Ten minutes later, he was puking on my family room carpet [which is off-white].Dee took him in the kitchen, and some more puke went all over the floor. Then she took him to the sink, where he puked on clean dishes on one side and dirty on the other. [What the hell is she feeding this kid?!]
So, he sat on the counter. Dee cleaned up the chunks, and I washed the floor [on her hands and knees, even tho' she's eleven months pregnant with vicious vericose veins] and put the dishes in the dish washer. She spot cleaned my carpeting.
C got off the counter, sat on the yellow chair and puked again. WORST PLAYDATE EVER!!!! If me or the kids get sick, I'm going to kill someone!
So, after she finally leaves, I wash the floor again [again, the preggo lady in pain] and call [500 lb.] Father-In-Law and ask him to bring over their carpet shampooer. To which he says No, but we can come get it. The fucker. [Personally, I feel that being eleven months pregnant and in constant pain trumps being 500 lbs. and too goddamn lazy to get your fat ass in the car, but that's just me.]
The Boy Child spills orange juice inside the fridge. I call Brad and start freaking out on him, and he says he'll come home and get the shampooer from his Dad. [Brad is, on occassion, a very smart man.] He ended up just buying one.
So, he moved all the furniture out of the family room and shampoos the carpet. Awesome new shampooer, but guess what was glowing on the clean carpets????? Hawian Punch!!!!!!! For the love of all things good in this world!!! Control your children, people!!!
Okay. I'm done.
Have a nice day.
At least My Nemesis, The Color Printer can't puke on me.
The letter "P" is for puke, preggo, playdate, punch and pissed. And now, Grover will sing a song about pancakes.
Comments
poor Billi! I'll take the Punch over Puke anyday!
Posted by: B.J. at September 5, 2006 03:52 PM