September 06, 2006
Today's Blog Is Brought To You By the Letter "D"
The Victoria's Secret Stores have undergone some changes recently, as you may have noticed, if you've wandered past one -- or steered clear of one -- at the mall.
They sell clothes now -- athletic wear, for the fifteen-to-twenty-five demographic, who work up such a sweat running and jumping and flinging their ankles behind their ears.
The in-house product displays are... well,... I heard a Frederick's of Hollywood model walk by and go, "Check out the hootchie mamas, damn!"
And they now have Bra Technicians (I gotta get that on my business card) who will give you a fitting, i.e. measure you. Yeah, thanks, Hilda, but I have a measuring tape at home. I'll figure it out.
Besides, the thought instantly calls to mind my very first bra-shopping experience with my mother -- she and the saleslady both grappling my tiny, tiny lumps and going, "Does this seem like it fits?" As I silently implored the Lord to make me a boy.
Anyhoo, my shopping buddy, Chick Boss' Assistant, needed some new bras, so I figured, what the hell? I'd try a couple on, too. So Hilda gave me The Box of Bras in my size. Seriously, it's a black, laquer box, and it has a representative of each Victoria's Secret bra in my size.
It was a really big box.
I'm sure you're all quite titillated by this point, picturing me in some bra-trying-on montage, probably set to the song "Rag Doll" by Aerosmith or something. Black 'n' lacey! Red 'n' push-up! Pink 'n' frilly! Riiiiiiiiiiight.
Trust me -- it was not so.
When you get to be a certain cup size, bras are no longer frilly and dainty and alluring. No, when you're a D cup, it's all about structure.
C.B.A. was quite envious, as her entire bra could fit inside one of my cups, but it's no party, lemme tell ya. The under-the-boob sweat, the men who can't look you in the eye, the women who hate you because their men can't look you in the eye -- ugh. What I wouldn't give, in August, to throw on just a tank top and wash the car without getting arrested.
Long story short, Victoria's Secret makes some damn fine bras. When I got back to work, I decided I just had to change into one right away.
So I took my blazingly hot pink, unmistakable Victoria's Secret bag in hand and made the long walk to the bathroom. On the way, I passed just about every man in the entire company, most of whom glanced at my bag and, upon recognizing it, suddenly found the ceiling incredibly fascinating.
Ah, well, it was worth the embarassment. The Girls look GREAT! Just ask C.B.A. -- I had her do a before and after comparison. They're so perky!
And now Grover will sing a song about donuts.
Comments
Love reading about the S.I.L bra shopping.
Posted by: matt at September 6, 2006 10:08 PM
Guess what honey? If bras in a D cup are all about structure, then G cup bras are all about EXTREME GRAVIDT DEFYING ENGINEERING.(and no, Viki's can't do ANYTHING for me)
Because yes, I WEAR A F'ING G CUP BRA.
Rule of thumb is this, if the cup goes on my head like a ski hat, one of MY girls will go in it.
yes, one of them.
And you totally know what I'm talking about...... cause you have seen them. IN PERSON.
But every now and then? When I do actually find a pretty bra in my size? I just about have an orgasm right there in the store from happiness. Right before I proceed to blow 75% of my paycheck in order to snap them all up because Lord only knows when all the stars will align for a miracle such as this to happen again.
Ooooh, I feeel a post coming on. Thanks for the inspiration, baby!
Posted by: Scarlett Cyn at September 7, 2006 05:40 AM
God bless our modern age of bra technology!! I too had the horrid first bra experience, complete with old lady, ON THE SALES FLOOR. One thing I learned after blowing up to a 42 FF while pregnant is this: a bra that fits well is worth any price! I do miss the day of the bra with just one hook though........
Posted by: elle at September 7, 2006 10:02 AM
Okay I'll admit it, I've put deoderant under the girls in an effort to control the boob sweat. Sigh.
Posted by: Hope at September 7, 2006 08:18 PM