September 19, 2006
Depp Is a Poser
Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's Talk Like a Pirate Day. Grrr, argh.
I'm so disappointed in myself. Every year, I swear I'm going to make a big deal out of it, and every year, I totally wiff it.
It seems everyone remembered but I. Even Marty remembered and sent me two comic strips, Order of the Stick and Nodwick, who also remembered.
I'm the worst pirate ever. I might as well just give it up and start collecting butterflies.
No, no -- don't try to cheer me up; it's true. Daisy's pirate costume is tucked away in the basement somewhere. I'm not wearing my sword necklace. I don't even have one of my Barbies dressed like a pirate.
Thank God pirates have no honor, or I'd be obliged to throw myself in front of a cannon or something.
What's even more distressing is that I was on the forefront of this whole pirate movement. I'm not just another Johnny-Depp-loving sheep. I've been a Pirate Wench for YEARS before the first movie ever came out! I should totally be on top of this!
And since we're on the subject, Depp gets all the credit for starting the movement, but that's only because he's a hugely-talented, filthy-rich, impossibly-sexy box office draw. People should be buying lunch boxes with MY picture on them! But then, all great artists are unappreciated in their own time. My genius will be discovered when I'm dead.
Does anyone use lunch boxes anymore?
Also? I got my tattoos waaaaaaaaaaaay before everyone and their mother started getting them. Over fifteen years ago! When only bikers and dykes and dyke bikers got tattoos. So there!
God, it is SO unfulfilling being so much cooler than everyone else. (No offense, my darling chewtoys.) You'd think it would be awesome, but it sucks. Everything I do becomes embraced -- and therefore, cheapened -- by the masses.
Talk Like a Pirate Day, indeed. It's not some affectation you can assume for one day and cast aside the next. It's a way of life, people. And you're either in it, or you ain't.
Here's to you, my fellow Pirate Wenches, wherever you may be.
Comments
Hmm ... guess you missed the Pirate family on Wife Swap last night too. All I saw was the Pirate home with fleas and that creeped me out ... gave me the itches ...
Posted by: Snippy Bitch at September 19, 2006 04:36 PM
Yarr! Jolly Pirate Day Ye Scurvy Mates!
Posted by: Pirate Tones at September 19, 2006 04:57 PM
*giggles*
Chewtoys?
That has SO many implications.
*hugs you despite being non-pirate-y today*
Posted by: Celtic Elff at September 19, 2006 05:46 PM
How about the Pirate Wife Swap??
And you have tattoos??? How come I never knew?
Posted by: Laura at September 19, 2006 07:53 PM